The Wisdom in the Words
by brainysmrf
Summary: The aftermath of The Dwarf in the Dirt and of Booth reading Sweets' book.
1. Chapter 1

When Booth arrived at his office after his morning at the shooting range he found Sweets waiting for him.

"What do you need, Sweets." He grumbled under his breath.

"I've been giving our relationship a lot of careful thought these past few days."

Booth smiled as he moved around the doctor and fell into his chair, "Thanks Sweets, but I think we should just be friends."

"Very funny." Sweets adjusted in his seat and continued, "I meant our personal relationship versus our professional one."

"Look, Gordon Gordon got me all straightened out. I'm certified again – no need for you to worry."

Sweets leaned forward, "I understand that but I feel that it's important that you know that _you_ as an individual comes first to me, the agent is secondary."

Booth rolled his eyes, "It's ok, really. You have a job to do, I have a job to do. I get it."

"I have something I would like you to look at, it will prove to you exactly where my priorities are regarding you. Well, you and Dr. Brennan."

"I don't need proof, Sweets. I know."

Sweets stood and dropped a stack of papers onto the desk, "Read this. When you do, keep in mind that I finished it months before your surgery."

Booth picked up the papers and looked them over, "Bones - The Heart of the Matter, your book?"

"My book, my unpublished book, my never-read-by-anyone-except-for-myself-and-Dr. Wyatt book." Sweets turned and started for the exit.

Booth held up the manuscript, "I don't want to read this. It's bad enough that I've sat through all those sessions all these years. I lived this, I don't need to read it."

"Trust me, you do. I think it might help clear up some misconceptions you have about yourself."

"I don't have misconceptions about me. I know me."

Sweets opened the door and smiled, "Do you?"

Before Booth had the chance to respond Sweets was gone. He sat at his desk for several minutes staring at the pages before turning the first one over. Booth sighed as he settled down to find out exactly what Dr. Lance Sweets saw when he looked Dr. Temperance Brennan and Special Agent Seeley Booth.

Two hours later Sweets was startled by his office door being thrown open. Booth came rushing in. With authority he tossed the manuscript onto the table in front of the young doctor and asked, "What the hell is this?"


	2. Chapter 2

Sweets closed his notebook and looked up at the agent, "I thought you didn't want to read it?"

"You didn't give me much of a choice, did you?" Booth sat down across from Sweets and snatched the manuscript up, flipping to the last page he read, "_In conclusion, I find that what began as an antagonistic but necessary partnership has grown into a relationship built on a foundation of mutual trust and unwavering respect. It is this psychologist's belief that the trust between Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan is in fact so strong, that it has now evolved into romantic love. _Explain yourself – quickly."

"Right…Well, this is the culmination of two years spent observing you two. I-"

Booth cut him off, "I got that much. I want you to tell me what gives you the right to say these things."

"I actually decided that I didn't have the right and out of respect for you I declined the offers to publish my findings."

"Respect?"

Sweets nodded, "Yes, mainly for you but for her too."

"Why mainly me?"

Leaning back in his seat, Sweets explained, "Because she would explain away my summation. Dismissing it as the crazy ramblings of someone who has devoted their life to the lesser, softer sciences and never speak of it again but you, you would see the truth."

Booth's eyes bore into Sweets' skin, "I would?"

Sweets nodded again, "And, it would make you question yourself just as your doing at this moment."

"I'm questioning you right now – not me."

"Is my conclusion wrong?"

Booth continued to glare at the young doctor, ignoring his question he asked, "You said you finished this before my surgery?"

"I did."

Standing up to pace, Booth vigorously rubbed the back of his head, "But you said that the…the thoughts I had after, you know the way I felt about _things_ would fade. That it was just a symptom of trauma. You brought me scans of my brain to prove it to me, to convince me that I didn't…"

"I did that, too."

Booth turned on his heel to face Sweets, "What kind of game are you playing here?"

"No games. I was concerned that the rush of realizations that you experienced after your surgery would cloud your better judgment. I was hoping to reign you in a bit."

"Sounds like a game to me."

Sweets stood to look Booth in the eye, "I can assure you that I do not see this as a game or an experiment or a new project. I just…I'm concerned that…What I mean is that Brennan, well she…"

"Sweets! Spit it out!"

"Honestly, I don't want you to ruin your shot." He admitted quietly but purposefully..

"My shot?"

Sweets stared Booth down and slowly said, "You'll only get one."

"One shot? At what?"

Sweets sat back down and invited Booth to do the same with a gesture, "I'm certain that you will only get one opportunity to tell her how you feel and get her to listen. The wrong time or situation and you run the risk of alienating her forever, of scaring her back into that shell she's been slowly coming out of."

Booth listened intently but added nothing. He didn't know which was worse; the fact that he couldn't deny how he felt to Sweets or that he actually agreed with the kid's theory about Brennan.

Sweets continued, "The flood of emotions that we all felt when you were in the hospital was enough, _is_ enough for her to sort through right now. Any new information at this time could…"

Booth shot up from his seat, ready to leave, "I got it, thanks Sweets."

"One more thing, Booth."

"Yeah?"

Sweets cleared his throat and thought carefully before he spoke, "I would be remiss if I didn't tell you, remind you that this doesn't just affect you and Brennan. This affects us all."

A look flashed across the agent's face that said he more than understood the ramifications of his feelings but he said nothing as he slipped out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Booth stood in the hall outside Sweets office and tried to gather his thoughts. The confusion that was swirling in his mind wasn't new but it was suddenly more powerful than he had ever felt before. Without thinking he turned and headed back into Sweets' office.

Sweets turned away from his computer and watched Booth slowly trudge back to the couch.

Booth ran his hands across his face and sighed, "What do I do?"

"You're asking my advice?"

"Yes! You're the psychologist, how do I fix this?"

"Unfortunately, this is a bell you can't unring. You're here now, you're in this moment and you have to accept it."

"I was a lot happier when I thought _you_ thought this was all a product of my wounded brain."

"In a way, it kind of is."

"You just told me that you knew I felt this way before! Make up your damn mind!"

"While I suspected you were in love with Dr. Brennan, I also suspected that there was no way you ever admitted it to yourself, you kept it buried. I think the coma was a chance for your subconscious and conscious to get in step with each other."

"What?"

Sweets inched forward in his seat, "Prior to the coma, can you recall the last good night of sleep you had?"

"It was months ago – how am I supposed to remember that?"

"Think about it. Before the surgery, when was the last time you woke up and felt totally rested?"

"I don't know. What does that have to do with any of this?"

"Because of the man you are, slipping into a coma after major surgery was the only way you could completely let go. Let go and allow yourself to be free. In your dream state you weren't concerned with outward appearances or making sure that everyone was taken care of. You were finally able to sift through all the insanity and mayhem that you have dealt with over the last five years and start to make sense of it. The feelings and emotions that you had stuffed away into the back of your mind found their way to the forefront."

Booth stood, full of nervous energy that he couldn't keep a lid on, "There is no way this ends well, Sweets."

"I wouldn't say _no way_ but…"

The two men stared at each other until Booth fell back into the couch again, "So, you're saying that the coma was like a truth serum?"

"Yes, in a way." Sweets stood and walked toward a filing cabinet, pulling out Booth's folder he asked, " That world that you conjured up, what was the best thing about it? And don't say the clothes."

Booth slumped deeper into the couch staring at his hands, "I-I can't say exactly. I just felt content, connected."

"Connected to what?"

"Bones, you, everyone."

"I find it ridiculously interesting how the people most important to you were represented in this other world."

"Parker wasn't there."

"Because you're allowed to love your son."

Booth rolled his eyes, "Gee Sweets, thanks for giving me the go ahead to love my son."

"Loving your son isn't taboo it's accepted and expected but feeling as attached as you do to all the people you work with, especially Brennan isn't. At least not in the way you see things or the way you used to see things."

"I care about the people I work with, I am aware of that fact, Sweets."

"But you did you know how much?" Sweets leafed through the file and stopped when he found what he had been looking, "Here, the day after you woke up and explained to me and Brennan what you thought was real, you were very specific about the fact that all of these people in your life conspired to keep you safe – they all thought the worst of you, that you committed murder, and yet they bent over backwards to help you. What does that mean to you?"

Booth leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes, unable to believe that he was in this position. He slowly cracked his neck and then refocused on Sweets. "If we're going to do _this_, I need to set up some ground rules…"


	4. Chapter 4

"Ground rules?" Sweets asked. "Setting up ground rules goes against the therapeutic process."

"Look, there are things I refuse to discuss with you."

"Like what?"

"Sex." Booth folded his arms against his chest.

Sweets concealed a smile, "And why do you think that I would broach that topic?"

"Because I know you! Your adolescent mind jumps right to it."

"I can assure you it doesn't."

"Please, I'm sitting here talking about my feelings and deepest thoughts about Bones and you're _not _thinking about sex?"

Sweets shook his head, "No, are you?"

Booth glared at him, "I don't want to talk about it."

Sweets smirked and nodded but said nothing.

"What's with that face?"

"Once again, you have excelled in telling me more with no words than you could ever tell me with every word you know."

"I can't do this, Sweets. I thought I could but I-I can't. I've gotta get out of here"

"Why?" He leaned forward.

"Because you're in junior high and you don't understand that there are delicate…You're too young, ok?"

"I can see how my age would detract you from feeling comfortable with me but…" Sweets cleared his throat and took a chance, "I would venture a guess that in the time that we've known each other I've actually had more sex than you."

Booth considered this for minute and then asked, "Is that the measure of a man, Sweets?"

"I don't know, is it?"

"Not to me it's not." Booth ran his hands through his hair, "The truth is, the truth is you don't know anything about my personal life. You know what I want you to know."

"Maybe, but I also know the things I've figured out using my exceptional intelligence and highly honed intuition. Never once in a session or even in passing have you mentioned being involved with anyone. I have been under the assumption that you haven't dated in years."

Booth sat quietly, picking lint off of his pants and then he offered, "There was a woman, who I dated a little more than casually not too long ago."

"Why did we never hear about her?"

"Because you people have no idea what discretion is, ok? You run all over this building and the Jeffersonian, having sex on couches and in closets and what I do in my personal time is no one's business."

Sweets accepted this but asked, "Were you more than casually dating this person when you agreed to father a child with Brennan?"

He shook his head, "No, I ended things before then."

"If you had been? Would you still have agreed?"

Booth exhaled deeply, "I-I don't know, probably…"

"You felt more devoted to Brennan than you did to a woman you were sleeping with?" Sweets tilted his head, "That's not congruent with your character."

The young one had hit a nerve and Booth couldn't stop himself from responding, "_That's_ the reason I ended it. For the first time in my life I-I couldn't, I couldn't commit. Not even that I couldn't, I didn't want to."

"It's possible she just wasn't right for you."

Booth stood and started to pace, "No, you don't get it Sweets. This woman was perfect, on paper she was everything I could ever want and more." He stopped and rested his hands on the back of the couch, bracing himself. "But I could never get past the fact that she felt temporary and I hate myself for that."

Sweets watched him practically deflate as he spoke, "When was this?"

"Why does that matter? I'm not even here to discuss that."

"I have a theory."

Booth rolled his eyes, "And you know how much I love _those_."

"Humor me, please?"

"Fine, I met her when I got back from London last year."

"When did you end it?" Sweets leaned forward, sensing that he knew exactly when this unknown, unseen woman ceased being a part of Booth's life.

"Two months later – right before my birthday."

Sweets nodded and placed both feet securely on the floor, "Interesting that that was also right before things started to unravel for you, don't you think?"


	5. Chapter 5

Brennan found Booth at his desk with his forehead resting on the blotter. He had left Sweets office with the question of when and why his life had started to 'unravel' hanging in the air.

"Booth, are you ok?"

He snapped to attention "Yeah, I'm fine. Just have a headache." When he saw the look of concern on her face he reiterated, "Just a headache, Bones. It's ok."

Looking closely at his face Brennan approached the desk, "You were supposed to come by the lab an hour ago. Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm sorry, I got hung up with Sweets."

Brennan smiled as she sat down, "I can accept that as a plausible cause for a headache. Is Sweets upset that Gordon Gordon helped you when he couldn't?"

"It's not that he couldn't. I didn't give him the chance to."

Brennan watched him closely. "Did you tell him what Gordon Gordon said that fixed you?"

He shook his head slowly and grinned, "Nope."

"Will you tell me?" She asked in a small voice.

Booth shrugged, "He just reminded me of…of my purpose."

"I could have done that."

"I know but it's so much more impressive with the accent and the poetry."

Brennan smiled, "I guess it is." She thought for a moment and then asked, "What _is_ your purpose, Booth?"

He rested his forearms on the desk, "You just said that you could have reminded me, you tell me what my purpose is, Dr. Smarty Pants."

Brennan swallowed hard and shifted in her seat, "You right wrongs, Booth. The work you do is tangible evidence that there is justice in this world. Your purpose is greater than most."

He smiled, "Thanks, Bones."

"Is that what Gordon Gordon said?"

"Not exactly but pretty close."

"If you didn't tell him about what Dr. Wyatt said, what _were_ you talking to Sweets about?" Brennan asked.

Booth stood, "Lunch? You want to get lunch?"

"Sure but aren't you going to tell me what Sweets needed?"

As he guided her out of his office he tried to explain, not wanting to lie to her but also knowing that the truth was something she wasn't ready for, "The kid's worried that I don't trust him."

Once on the elevator, Brennan asked, "Do you trust him?"

Booth reached for the button and sighed, "That is yet to be determined, Bones."

Just as Booth and Brennan had settled into their seats at the diner, Booth saw Sweets out of the corner of his eye, "Great." He mumbled under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Brennan asked as she turned to see what Booth was looking at.

"Hey guys, can I join you?" Sweets asked but didn't wait for an answer before he sat down.

Booth ignored the arrival and stared at his menu. Sweets leaned over toward him, "You left before we were done."

"Oh no, Sweets. I was done."

"Done with what?" Brennan asked.

The two men looked up at her and then at each other.

"Case paperwork, Bones. I was finished and Sweets wasn't, right Sweets?" Booth asked sternly.

Sweets nodded and looked at Brennan, "Right, but Booth thinks he's done and he's not."

"I'm not?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I know of some _files _that you're not aware of at this juncture."

Looking over his menu, Booth pointed out, "If I don't know about them, maybe they're not that important."

"Maybe, but I would argue that they are the most important because you don't know about them."

Booth dropped his menu with force, "How is that possible?"

"Are you two still talking about paperwork?" Brennan asked as both men turned their attention to her.

"Yes." They said in unison before they each picked up their menus again and dropped the subject.


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't appreciate you crashing my lunch, Sweets." Booth announced as he rushed into the doctor's office.

"I wasn't 'crashing' your lunch, Booth. I eat there too and if I hadn't joined you it would have been suspect. Now, if you'll excuse me I have a patient coming soon."

"Well, tell him to take a walk. You're dealing with me today." Booth sat on the couch, letting Sweets know that he wasn't going anywhere.

"I can't just…" Sweets sighed, "Fine, give me a minute."

When Sweets returned from telling his secretary to cancel his appointments for the day, he sunk into his chair and asked, "Are you ready to be honest with me?"

"No."

"I can't help you if you're not."

"Why do you want to help me?"

"Because you asked."

Booth shook his head, "No, I mean why do you care? You're worried that I'll ruin my chance with Bones, how does that benefit you?"

Sweets squared his shoulders, "When I first started working with you and Dr. Brennan you were totally against the idea and then slowly over time you allowed me to become a part of your world, you let me on the team."

"I didn't have a choice, the FBI assigned you to us."

"The bureau assigned me to evaluate your working relationship with Brennan but you brought me in on cases and I appreciate that more than I could ever convey."

Booth rolled his eyes, "So, this is payback?"

"I don't see it that way."

"How do you see it? Cause you see, I need to know what your agenda is."

"My agenda?" Sweets thought for a moment before responding, "I-I don't have one. I see a man in front of me struggling with inner demons and I want to help. I see my friend at a cross roads in his life and I want to help him choose the right path."

Booth exhaled, "How do I do that?"

"The first step is admittance. You need to be able to confess to yourself that the people in your life, those of us who work with you day in and day out, the ones who kept vigil at the hospital for four long days, the ones who you yourself inserted into your coma dream are your loved ones."

"I do not love you, Sweets."

The doctor smiled, "Yes, you do. In a familial sense, you love us all. We wouldn't have been on your mind if you didn't. I believe you're grappling with having found a family that you never knew you wanted."

Booth scoffed, "A dysfunctional family."

"All families are. In this circumstance you are the patriarchal figure and Brennan is the matriarch. The rest of us fall in and out of the categories of siblings, children and annoying in-laws, depending on the interaction you have with us that day. You know that we look to the two of you for guidance and to set the tone."

"I am not your daddy." Booth grumbled.

Sweets ignored his sarcasm and continued, "And just like in any family the dysfunction in yours stems from secrets."

"There are some things that nobody needs to know."

"Can't you see how the things you fail to say could tear everything apart? All of us, as a unit, can survive the fallout of your emotions but only if they are known. Holding it in is holding us all back." Sweets adjusted his suit jacket and inched to the edge of his seat, "For all the talk about your feelings for Brennan, you've never actually come out and verbalized them. You just haven't denied any of my accusations. I have yet to hear you say it out loud, why is that?"

Booth glared at Sweets and then mumbled, "I told Bones…"

"You told Brennan that you're in love with her?"

Booth looked up and rocked his head from side to side, "Well, not exactly. I started to and then I remembered what you said about my feelings being a symptom of the brain damage and I lost my nerve. I told her that I loved her in a professional way."

Sweets leaned forward, "And how did she respond?"

"She said she felt the same way."

"With no hesitation?"

Booth thought back and shook his head, "No, she just said that she loved me too – in a professional kind of way."

"Has she brought it up since then?"

"Bones doesn't do that. She doesn't stew on things, you know? She decides how she feels and that's that."

Sweets pointed at Booth, "That's where you're wrong. She most definitely ruminates on subjects for much a much longer period of time then you think. The bond you share is a great detriment to her ability to compartmentalize things anymore."

"Look, none of this matters. I need to know how to move on. How do I continue to do my job and get past these feelings?"

"Why do you want to get past them?"

Booth leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, "Because, she doesn't love me. And you said it yourself, the relationship I have with Bones affects everyone we know. It's not fair to the rest of the team that I'm distracted. How do I fix this?"

"You read my book, you are aware that I believe she is in love with you."

"Sweets, I can't risk my career and everyone else's livelihood based on the hopes and dreams of a 12 year old!"

"Lashing out at me won't make this easier for you, Booth. In my professional opinion, an opinion that _you_ rely on to solve cases I might add, she is very much in love with you and to paraphrase a wise man, she struggles with it on a day to day basis."

"Struggles?" Booth leaned back into the couch.

"Dr. Brennan doesn't see love as a viable human emotion – that's the struggle."

At that moment it dawned on Booth, "But she wants to…" He admitted quietly.

"That's an overly optimistic statement on your part."

"No, she told me. She told me once that she wanted to believe in love and that it was eternal."

This caught Sweets completely off guard, "Really?"

"Yeah and I told her someday she would."

"Fascinating." Sweets thought for a moment, this reveal totally obliterated the way he viewed the woman in question. "So, maybe it's _not_ a matter of her seeing it as viable…"

"What are you getting at?"

He shrugged, "Maybe she's not hiding from her own feelings, maybe she's waiting for you to reveal yours?"

"So you're saying it's my move?"

Sweets considered this and tilted his head, "Possibly…"

"I need more to go on then possibly, Sweets!"

"I-I don't know...What if you two have the exact same reason for not telling the other how they really feel?"

"Bones has never told me that she loves me because she thinks I don't love her?" Booth asked with an arch brow.

Sweets nodded, "An awesomely simple explanation. The question is, what do you do about that?"

"I don't do anything about it. Bones and me together would be…it would be a disaster."

"In what way?"

"The deck is stacked against us. And if it didn't work out…I mean, I'd rather things stay the way they are, ok?"

"You enjoy being in a holding pattern? Not looking back, not looking forward just stuck as you are. Confused, irritable, lonely. Watching her date other men? You not dating at all?"

The agent shrugged, "It works for us."

Sweets nodded, "Oh yeah, because you both seem so happy and fulfilled."

Booth ran his hand down his face and sighed heavily. "I don't see us happy together, Bones and me. I go over the different scenarios in my head and it never ends well. I told you Sweets, this is not going to end well."

"Is it that you can't visualize being happy or is it that it's a different _kind _of happiness than you always imagined?" When Booth failed to answer Sweets continued, "Your life hasn't unfolded the way you always thought it would, I get that but guess what? No one's does and you need to get over it!"

The doctor raising his voice took Booth aback and he felt an overwhelming need to defend himself, "All I ever wanted was a simple life. A wife, kids, house in the 'burbs and a job I loved – is that a crime? Was I asking for too much? 'Cause I don't think so!"

"Let me get this straight, before you couldn't act on your impulse because you thought she didn't share your feelings, now you can't because, because she doesn't share your view of the world?"

"We want different things. Very different things."

"You would rather love a woman who shared your passions instead of one who was your passion?"

"At least then we'd be compatible, I would know what kind of life I was going to have."

"Answer me this…" Sweets crossed one leg over the other and rested his hands on the back of his neck, "If you had the choice, if I could wave a magic wand and make it so, would you choose to not love her?"

The question hung heavy in the air as Booth searched for an answer. Several minutes went by before he responded, "I-I can't answer that…On one hand my life would be so much simpler but on the other hand…" He trailed off unsure of how to finish his thought.

"Your life would be _so_ much simpler." Sweets finished for him.

Booth looked up slowly and nodded, "Yeah. Without her in my life I don't know where or who I'd be."

"That's an interesting answer considering I asked you if you would choose to not _love_ her, not if you would choose to not _know_ her."

"Are we playing vocab games now, Sweets?"

"Not at all. You just inadvertently admitted that to know Dr. Brennan is to love her, that you couldn't stop yourself if you wanted to. Your free will figures nowhere in the equation – that's fascinating."

Booth rubbed his eyes, tired of going round and round with his adopted sibling/child/annoying in-law, "Why?"

"Because who has more willpower than you? No one I know." Sweets rested his hand on his chest. "You're practically the poster child for the FBI; fidelity, bravery, integrity but yet in regards to this woman it all goes out the window, why?"

"I don't know but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

Sweets stood and went over to his desk, picking up his manuscript and handing it to Booth, "It's all in here. In her, you found an equal. Someone you couldn't charm, you wouldn't bully and you knew instinctively you shouldn't deny. From day one she set you off your axis and you've been trying to regain equilibrium ever since. And it doesn't hurt that she's beautiful."

"Watch it, kid."

Sweets smiled as he headed for the door, "I can't do anymore for you. You know where you stand, how you feel, and I've offered you insight into the why and the how. All that's left now is the when and only you can make that decision."

Booth sat motionless as he heard the door close behind Sweets, leaving him alone in the office. He looked at the clock on the wall, it was after 8pm. He had spent his entire day questioning his thoughts and his feelings and now he was certain it was time to question someone else's.


	7. Chapter 7

Booth slowly moved though the lab, taking note of the lack of light and activity. With no current case the squints were able to leave at a decent hour and for a second he feared that he had missed Brennan. He knew that if he didn't confess to her now he may never have the courage to do so again. The agent breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her light on. - relief that was short lived as he quickly realized what he had to do.

Brennan was lounging on the couch in her office, sorting through her mail. Booth knocked on the open door to get her attention.

"What ya doing, Bones?"

She looked up and smiled, "Trying to decide where to go for Christmas this year. You know I travel for work during the holidays and so many organizations need me, I need to be careful which one I choose."

"Even this year?" He asked quietly.

"Why not this year?"

"I don't know. I mean, your Dad's around and I thought that…" Booth trailed off. Brennan's desire to always flee town when her environment got too hectic, like during the holidays or after his surgery, was just one item on a very long grocery list of reasons why he thought they could never be happy together.

She set down the stack of envelopes, "Did you need something?"

Booth smoothed his jacket, "Uh, no…I just thought that you might…Do you want to get a drink?"

"Sure. I'll get my coat."

He watched her maneuver around the office, shutting down her computer and gathering her things – a scene that he had witnessed a million times before but this time he felt like he was seeing it and her for the first time.

Brennan caught him staring, "What's wrong, Booth?"

He cleared his throat, "Uh, nothing. I'm fine." He thought for a minute and then offered, "Actually, there is something that's been on my mind."

"What?"

He inhaled sharply to speak, "After my surgery, after I woke up, why did you leave?" It was a question that had been on his mind for months but had never verbalized – not even to Sweets.

Brennan swallowed hard and set her bag down on the desk, "The doctors said you'd be fine in a few days and that I wasn't needed for anything. Jared came back, Cam was here …I wasn't needed."

"_I_ needed you." Booth whispered.

She tilted her head and looked at him with wide eyes, "Y-You never said…If you had asked me to stay I would have. I would have stayed for you."

"I didn't know that after all these years I had to ask."

They stood, frozen in their stances for several minutes - barely blinking and breathing shallowly. Booth broke the trance first, moving to the couch and falling into it.

"Bones, I just thought that you…I mean, if the situation was reversed and it was you-"

"You never would have left my side." Brennan cut him off. She leaned against her desk and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Then why couldn't you have done the same for me?" He asked without looking at her.

"When you didn't wake up when you were supposed to I…" Brennan blinked back a tear, "I had already lived through you dying once and…and…"

"You were scared?"

"Yes." She admitted breathlessly.

"Because you thought I wasn't going to make it? And then when I did, what? You left to prove to yourself that I don't matter?"

"You matter, Booth. To me, you matter." Her voice cracked with emotion as she tried to convince him. "Our partnership is paramount, you know that. Why are you asking about this now?"

_Our partnership_, Booth thought to himself, _not me or our relationship but our partnership_. He sighed, hating himself for approaching her this way and for upsetting her, "Never mind, Bones. Some things just aren't meant to be talked about. Come on."

Brennan rushed to get to the doorway before him, stopping him in his tracks, "I thought we discussed everything? We agreed that we didn't keep secrets from each other. Please explain what you're thinking."

"What I'm _thinking_ is that I'm in love with a woman who doesn't feel the same way about me and that the next time I see Sweets I should punch him – that's what I'm thinking."


	8. Chapter 8

"Wh-Why punch Sweets?"

"That's the part of what I said that you're latching on to?" Booth gently pushed Brennan aside and headed out of the lab. She walked quickly to keep up with him, unsure of what exactly was happening.

He stopped and turned, "You know, I was fine before I knew you."

"You were?"

"Yeah…" He started walking again, with Brennan one stride behind him. "I was a happy, single guy. Came and went as I pleased. And I was carving out a fairly decent niche for myself at the bureau – it wasn't groundbreaking but it wasn't half bad either."

"Booth, will you slow down! I don't understand."

He hustled through the sliding doors and headed toward the parking structure. He continued talking to himself but loud enough for her to hear, "I was fine and now…"

"Now what?"

"I have to start all over again." He ran his hand through his hair and considered his words.

Once in the garage Brennan reached out for his shoulder, asking, "Start what?"

Booth spun around to face her, "My life, Bones!"

As he started for the exit again she hustled to get in front of him, holding out her hands to bring him to a stop, "I have no idea what just happened but apparently I did something to upset you. What?"

"I'm not mad at you – this isn't your fault." He started to walk backwards, it was as if he couldn't stand to occupy the space that was adjacent to hers, "This is all my fault, a little of it is Sweets' fault, but mainly it's me."

"What are you at fault for?" Brennan was struggling to both keep in step with him and understand him.

Booth's back collided with the door that lead to the outside, "I just told you."

"No you didn't, you said that you were in love with a woman, who I am assuming is me based on your behavior, and that you were going to punch Sweets. What's your fault?"

He gripped her hands in his, "Bones, let it go."

"I'm not even certain that I know what _it _is."

"I shouldn't have said anything. This never happened, ok?" He squeezed her hands tightly before dropping them. As he pushed the door open a stinging autumn rain was falling but he continued on his path.

"No! It's not ok!" Brennan called out over the sound of the rain hitting the pavement.

Booth turned to see her right behind him, she was so intent on being heard that she barely noticed that she was getting soaked, "Go back inside! You're going to get sick – we'll talk tomorrow!"

She moved closer to him. "Why?"

He stepped closer to her and spoke slowly but firmly, "For everyone's sake, go inside and we'll talk tomorrow."

Brennan jabbed her fingers into his chest, "No. If you leave now, this conversation is over – forever."

"You said it yourself, you don't even know what this conversation is about. How can you care so much?"

As Booth tried once again to walk away, she gripped his lapel to keep him in place, "I know that it's about us, shouldn't I care about us?"

He ran his hand across his face and up over his head, slicking his hair back with the cold rain, "There is no us, Bones. There's me and then there's you. We are not…"

"Yes, we _are_…" She looked up at him, blinking away the rain. "I don't know what, but we are something, Booth."

Resting his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes, "What we are is too much for you and not enough for me."

Brennan pulled back so he could see her face, "I want to be more for you but I-I don't know how."

"It's ok, really it is." He cupped her chin so she couldn't look away, "It's my fault that I let myself feel this way about someone who's unable to…"

"Love?" She asked with a touch of hostility in her voice. "Do you think I'm incapable of loving anyone or just incapable of loving you?"


	9. Chapter 9

Ok, one more new chapter today for sweet psychologist….

* * *

"I _know_ that you can, but I don't _believe_ that you do." He clasped her shoulders and slowly walked her backwards, under the awning and out of the rain.

Brennan shivered against the damp night, "You've never asked…"

"And if I had?" He watched as her eyes darted away from his, desperate for something else to focus on. He sighed, "Right…"

Tucking her wet hair behind her ears, Brennan looked out over the vacant parking lot and tried to summon the words that she knew he needed to hear but they failed to come.

Booth ducked in under the façade and slouched against the building. He was cold, he was drenched and he was done. _There is no way this ends well_, his own words from earlier that day played over and over in his mind.

The partners stood shoulder to shoulder silently staring at the rain. Every few minutes one of them would inhale sharply to speak but each time something stopped them.

After nearly 20 minutes, Brennan turned to face him, "Do you love me?"

Booth kept his eyes fixed on the ground beneath him, "I do."

"But something I said or did changed your mind?" Her voice shook with emotion.

"No. I just…Earlier today you asked me what my purpose was, what it was that Gordon Gordon reminded me of."

"What does your job have to do with this?"

Turning to face her, his face softened when he saw the obvious unease in her eyes. "My job is to keep you safe – to protect you and I'm not doing that if I'm forcing you to face the one thing in the world that you fear the most."

Brennan tilted her head, "Losing you?"

Clicking his tongue, he shook his head, "That's not what scares you."

"Yes it is and I know that because I've had to contemplate it on numerous occasions. Since when do you presume to know what I think or feel without consulting me?"

"Actions, Bones. Actions speak louder than words. Over the years you have proven to me time and time again that you're afraid of our connection, afraid of feeling more for me than what you think is acceptable!"

"Yes, I am! Of course I'm afraid of that, how could I not be? I-I don't…" Brennan wiped away a tear, "Being afraid of something doesn't mean I can't acknowledge it. It just means that I don't know how, Booth! I know it's there, _something_ is there but I have nothing to compare it to."

"Bones…" he whispered.

"I have no frame of reference for this – you of all people should know that!" She pounded him on the chest with her palm. "And my actions over the years? The things I have done that you think mean I don't love you are things that _you_ drove me to. You!"

Brennan pushed off of him and reached for the door, pulling it open. Before she left him alone in the rain, she reminded him, "By the time I figured out how I felt about you, you had already convinced me that it could never be. Our jobs made it too dangerous, our standing among the team made it too risky and our differences made it too insurmountable! _My_ actions were a direct result of _your_ words."


	10. Chapter 10

Booth reached out and grabbed the door before it closed. He wanted to follow her, to explain to her that this wasn't what he wanted but Brennan was out of sight before he had the chance.

He slammed the door and turned back toward the parking lot. He silently cursed the weather and Sweets and her tears but mainly he cursed himself. All these years, it had never occurred to him that he had pushed her out of his arms before he even knew that he was capable of holding her. He had allowed his own warped view of the world and the way he thought things should be get in the way of what could be, of what was.

Just as he had decided to leave, certain that there was nothing more he could say or do to change the events of the night, her words from earlier that day echoed in his mind, _You right wrongs, Booth…_If there had ever been a time that Seeley Booth had been wrong, it was now. He dropped his head, inhaled deeply and pulled the heavy door open.

Slowly, he made his way through the dim light of the forensic lab and ended up back at Brennan's door. He slumped against the frame and sighed, "I'm sorry, Bones."

Brennan turned to face him, her damp hair clinging to her face, "I know but...The thing is, you feel guilty for upsetting me but what you don't realize is that you should be apologizing for underestimating me. For not recognizing that I know you, that I see you."

"You're right." Booth quietly admitted.

"I always assumed that the things you said to me about us, the reasons why we needed that line, were just a kind way of telling me that I wasn't…that you didn't see me as anything more than a partner."

He shook his head, "That's not it. The rules I made up and the things I said were never for your benefit – they were always for mine."

"Then why say them out loud to me?"

"Who else was I going to tell? You're the only person who's always around."

"And I know you hate that."

"What?"

Brennan raised her arms and gestured grandly, "_This_, you hate this. Do you think I'm so clinical and cold that I don't know that the life you're living is not the one you want?"

For a minute, Booth feared that she had been listening to the conversation he and Sweets had earlier that day but then he realized that she knew about the life he wanted simply because she knew him. She knew him and she listened to him far more than he ever imagined and that was precisely why they were standing in her office, in the dark, soaking wet, wrestling with secrets.

"I don't hate this, Bones. I don't hate this at all." He looked up at her and she was blind-sided by the depth of his eyes. "But it's only recently that I discovered that I love this _so_ much that I gave up on everything else a long time ago."

She tilted her head and blinked back a tear, "I don't want to hear that you gave up and landed on the notion that you love me."

"I didn't give up, I gave in. Something happened to me in that coma, Bones." He inhaled sharply through his nose, "It was like everything I had been shoving out of my mind for the sake of everyone else came to the surface and what it revealed wasn't as damning as I always thought it would be."

Brennan arched her brow, "This is about the coma?"

"No, well yes but only because it gave me…" He stopped when he realized that nothing he could say would explain things to her the way she deserved.

"I'm sure Sweets would agree that the trauma your brain sustained is probably causing the conflict you feel and that it's not real." She walked to the coat closet, looking for something dry to put on.

She didn't hear him come up behind her and was startled when she felt his hand on her shoulder, she turned to face him, "I can't discuss this anymore, I'm sorry. It's just too.."

"It's too much. I know, Bones. And I'll go, but I want you to know something before I do."

"What's that?"

Booth gently gripped her waist and pulled her to him. Resting his nose against hers, he swallowed hard and slowly enveloped her lips with his. It was his hope that what he couldn't explain with words he could convey with an action.

He released his grip and readied himself to pull away from her, to give her the time and space she needed. He saw confusion swirling in her eyes but he also saw what he could only label as relief and in that moment it was as golden as love. Pressing his lips to her ear he whispered, "It's real."


	11. Chapter 11

"Is everything ok?" Cam asked as she ducked her head into Brennan's office. It had been nearly an hour since Booth had left and Brennan was still slightly dazed, lost in her thoughts.

"I-I'm fine." Brennan cleared her throat.

"You sure? Because it's nearly midnight and you're sitting in your dimly lit office looking like you just went over Niagara Falls in a barrel."

"I'm fine, I was just getting ready to head home. Did you need something?"

"Oh. No…I have a breakfast meeting with the administrators and I forgot my notes. I saw your light on so I…" Cam trailed off when she realized that her intended audience wasn't listening, "I'll let you get back to whatever it is that you were doing. Have a good night."

"Cam?" Brennan called out.

Rolling her eyes and sighing, Cam turned. "Yeah?"

"You've known Booth a long time."

"Was that a question or a statement?"

"How long have you known him?"

"15 years…"

Brennan rested her elbows on the desk and tried to sound casual when she asked, "Has he changed much in 15 years? I mean, is he still who he always was?"

Cam smiled and tilted her head back and forth, "Yes and no… Really, are any of us who we were 15 years ago?"

"He would have been 22, no longer an adolescent but still not a mature man. He had already been to war…"

"Yeah…" Cam gingerly made her way over to the couch and perched on the arm. It was obvious that Brennan was looking for something more than anecdotal. "When we met, Seeley was fresh out of the army, still gambling, not yet a father. He was fun and kind and…" She smiled as she remembered the people they had been so long ago. "He was a good guy."

"And as far as you're concerned he still is?"

Cam nodded, "Absolutely. He's never given me a reason to think otherwise. You?"

"Me?"

"Has he given you a reason?"

"Of course not." Brennan righted her shoulders and started straightening the stacks of folders in front of her. "I just find it interesting that you've known each other for as long as you have – I haven't maintained any kind of relationship for that long."

"Right…" Cam watched her trying to appear busy, "I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest that there's something else entirely on your mind but I will respect your desire not to share that with me right now."

"Thank you." Brennan whispered.

"There are a few _minor_ differences in him that I've noticed since the surgery. He's not as self-assured and I think he's hesitant to trust the things he's always known but I don't know if that's not completely normal after what he went through. Could you imagine your mind betraying you with hallucinations and the questions that must raise?"

Brennan shook her head, for all of the thought she had given to Booth's circumstances, she had never really considered that. "I imagine its very upsetting for him."

"You're worried that something fundamental changed, as a result of the surgery?" When Brennan failed to answer her, Cam offered, "You're not alone in your worry."

"I'm not?"

"Far from it. All of us are watching him with bated breath but so far I haven't seen anything to confirm the concern."

"I'm a trained observer but…but I don't see this as clearly as I would like."

Cam stood and approached her, "I know but you're doing just fine."

"I'm trying, it's very difficult for me to contemplate things that are unseen and that can't be measured in any way. There is no black or white here – everything is grey."

"I know it's not as cut and dry as you like things to be and it's going to take a lot longer than your patience can handle but I truly believe it's going to be ok." Cam glanced at her watch and sighed, "It's late, I need to get going and you should too."

Brennan nodded but didn't move from her seated position.

Before leaving Cam turned, "As long as I've known him, Seeley has always been a good guy but I'm almost certain that when the smoke clears and some time has passed you'll find that this whole ordeal has made him a better man."


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, Booth was at his desk mentally sorting through the last year of his life when Sweets sought him out.

"Booth?"

"No, not today Sweets. Sorry."

"I didn't ask anything." He slowly sat down across from the agent.

Booth held up his hands in protest, "Look, I'm not in the mood today. I'm tired and…" He thought for a moment, "You know I've been kidnapped, held hostage, tortured but yesterday? Yesterday was by far the longest day of my life and I don't want to rehash, k?"

"Ok, fair enough."

"So…" Booth waved his hands, signaling Sweets to leave.

"I thought maybe you could offer some insight as to why Dr. Brennan invited me to lunch today?"

"She asked you?"

"Yeah, it was an odd and brutally awkward invitation but it was very sincere."

"It's Bones – of course she was sincere."

Sweets nodded, "Is there anything I should be aware of prior to meeting with her?"

Booth looked to his left and then his right before answering, "I don't think so."

"Good deal…Uh, I just wanted you to know that in light of recent developments in our relationship, my loyalty is to you."

"First of all, don't call what we have a 'relationship' – you make it sound like we're going to move to Vermont and open a B & B together."

Sweets smiled, "My bad, sorry…Second of all?"

Booth leaned back in his chair, "Second of all, your loyalty shouldn't be with me, Sweets."

"I appreciate your concern over me compromising my standing within the FBI but-"

Booth cut him off, "I never said that – I really don't worry about that."

Sweets nodded knowingly, he had been certain that Booth's reluctance to be candid with him had nothing to do with the FBI but it had everything to do with the agent's current crisis of character – regardless of what Dr. Wyatt had told him.

"Look, Sweets…" Booth paused looking for the right words to explain his thinking but not reveal the inconsistencies that he had recently noticed within himself. "If it came down to me or Bones, you should side with her."

"And why is that?"

Booth lowered his voice, "Because she, more than me, wants you to know that you belong, that you're one of us."

Sweets tilted his head, "She doesn't trust me, she discredits nearly all of my theories and she's convinced I'm wasting my intelligence with my chosen field – she has no use for me."

"But she does have a place for you."

"I-I don't understand."

"It's like…" Booth leaned forward, "You know how when you're leaving a concert and traffic is all jammed up and you need to change lanes for your exit?"

"Ok?"

"And after waiting for what feels like an eternity with your blinker on, someone finally lets you in – what do you do?"

"I have no idea…"

"Come on! What's the unwritten rule of bumper to bumper traffic?"

"Again, I have no idea."

Booth sighed, "If someone lets you in, you have to let someone else in."

Sweets considered his theory, "And you let her in? And now she wants to let me in?"

Booth nodded slightly.

"You really took the long way around with that one, didn't you?"

"I can be insightful when needed."

"So, you didn't want to let me in?"

"It's not that I didn't want to, it's just that…At the time that we realized _things _about you, the idea of another person that I had to keep an eye on, to watch out for was…It made me feel like a poverty-stricken father with another mouth to feed on the way." Booth focused on the wall behind Sweets, unable to look him in the eye.

"You couldn't feed me if you were already starving – makes sense. That makes a lot of sense."

"I'm not proud of feeling that way, that's not who I am."

Sweets nodded, "I know it's not but…"

"What?"

"It kind of negates everything I wrote. It raises more questions than it answers." Sweets mulled this over and then asked, "Five years ago when you started working with Brennan?"

"What about it?"

"Things weren't always copacetic between you two, right?"

Booth shrugged, "Uh, no. I couldn't stand her. She was pushy and rude and lacked any kind of social grace. What's this gotta do with right now?"

"But, with her, over time you..."

He sighed, "Over time I realized that those things weren't entirely her fault, you know? She was just lost, trying to figure out where she fit into the grand design of things."

"And you showed her?"

"I tried, I don't know that I always succeeded but I did try."

Sweets ran his hand down his face, "And now you think that she's trying to cosmically repay the favor by accepting me, helping me find _my_ way?"

"She would never admit it, she probably doesn't even consider why but yeah…"

"Booth, I want to belong – I do and I'm so amazingly grateful for the chance to be one of you but I'm not the person she owes the favor to." He let his words sink in before continuing, "I am not lost. I'm slightly immature and overly confident in my abilities at times and I annoyingly interject myself into things that may not be necessarily my business but…I have a pretty tight grip on where I fit in, in the grand design as you said."

"You think I'm lost?" Booth asked, staring the young one down.

"I think you're so lost that you're afraid to be found."


	13. Chapter 13

"Thanks for coming." Brennan invited Sweets into her office and closed the door behind him. "I'm sure you know why I wanted to meet with you."

Sweets tentatively sat down across from her desk, "I can honestly tell you that I have no clue as to why you wanted to see me."

"I've been doing some research." Brennan handed Sweets a folder.

He opened the folder, read the top page and looked up at her, "What are these?"

"The most highly regarded studies of cerebellar pilocytic astrocytomas from the last 10 years."

"_Ok_." He glanced back down at the papers in his hands, "Uh, did you want to discuss them? I mean, you certainly don't need me to explain them to you."

Brennan scoffed, "Of course not."

"Then?"

Brennan sighed, "Intellectually, I comprehend the corporeal impact the tumor had on Booth but I don't quite understand…"

"The cerebral impact it had?"

"I really don't."

Sweets nodded, "What you're looking for can't be found in a medical journal."

Brennan furrowed her brow, "Why not? If I want to know about something, anything, I seek out the research of experts to help me understand."

"I know it's your way of tackling the unpleasant and confusing aspects of the world but in this case it's not going to provide you with the reassurance you're looking for."

"I'm not looking for _reassurance_, Sweets. I'm just trying to learn about what Booth is going through."

"Ok…The thing is you can read every study ever done on an illness and still not understand or be able to predict the psychological ramifications it'll have on an individual. Every person is unique and there are far too many variables to consider."

"That's not helpful."

"I know…How 'bout this, what do _you _think the impact has been?"

"Psychological impact?"

Sweets nodded, "Yes."

"I don't know."

"Are you telling me that you, Dr. Temperance Brennan, don't know what you're thinking? Are you thinking?"

"You never stop thinking because even if you think about trying to stop thinking, you're still thinking about-"

"Trying to stop thinking? Yeah, I got that." Sweets looked down at the papers in his lap and flipped through them, he could see where she had read and reread and then jotted down notes in the margin. "Can I be candid?"

Brennan shrugged but said nothing.

"I look at these studies and your frenetic highlighting and notations tell me that you're not simply just trying to understand something."

"I'm not frantic."

"No, you're not. I said frenetic which pertains to situational behavior whereas frantic really describes more of an over all state of mind so…"

"Fine…If I'm not trying to understand it then what am I doing?"

"I think you're arming yourself to go to war. Arming yourself with the only thing you can count on – the facts."

Brennan placed her palms on the desk and slowly stood, "This was a mistake. A waste of time."

"Why is that?" Sweets remained seated.

"Because I want to discuss the long-term effects of my partner's recent brain surgery and you want to analyze why I want to do it."

"I think it's important that you acknowledge the changes that this whole ordeal brought into _your _life. So, yeah, I am curious about what's going on in your mind."

She slowly sat back down, "The research I've read says that the type of tumor Booth had was slow to develop."

"That's what his neurologist said. Why is that worth mentioning?"

"It's worth mentioning because…because experts agree that these kinds of masses can cause a person to behave in a way that they wouldn't normally." Brennan looked away from him.

At that moment, Sweets knew what her concern really was. "You're not worried about Booth's frame of mind now."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not." He stood to make his point. "You're worried that the man you thought you knew never really existed. That somehow post-surgery Booth is a stranger to you."

"That's ridiculous. I do not think that a cyst made Booth Booth."

"But you have considered it, haven't you?"

"He's not the same." Brennan was desperately holding back her tears, "He's not and there's no other explanation – I've looked."

He could hear and almost feel her panic level escalating so he returned to his seat, "The tumor could have caused some personality changes over time but not on the grand scale that you're envisioning. It would have made him irritable, moody, tired but fundamentally it….He's still Booth."

"I don't…" She sighed, "When you evaluated him to go back in the field did he admit to feeling or thinking differently?"

Sweets shook his head, "You know I can't tell you that. It's confidential." When he saw the distress in her eyes he offered, "The change that you instinctively feel and the rest of us see isn't really a change at all. It's more of an evolution."

"Evolution is change – gradual change."

"Ok, then…." Sweets' eyes darted around the office until he spotted the inspiration he needed. He grabbed his drink, from his still uneaten lunch, from her desk, "Imagine the human brain is like this bottle of soda."

Brennan sighed, "I hate when you do this."

"Just follow me, ok? We fill the bottle with the things we don't want to think about - our life experiences, our hopes, fears, secret desires. Each time we screw the cap on, neglecting the contents, pressure builds up. Now, think of Booth's tumor and subsequent surgery furiously shaking the bottle and the coma as popping the cap off."

She considered this for a moment, "I-I don't understand. I want to but I don't."

Sweets grimaced, "I really thought you'd get the soda bottle simile."

"Your theory is based on the assumption that Booth was avoiding the contents of his bottle and that's simply not true. He confronts his life – he doesn't hide."

"Hey, a year ago I would have totally agreed with you."

"But now?"

"Now, I know that you're not the only one with a black belt in compartmentalizing and that everyone hides from something."

"What didn't he want to think about?" She asked in a timid tone.

"I can't share that with you – he can. Ask him."

Brennan bit her lip, "What if I don't like the answer to the question?"

"You need to consider if you're more afraid of knowing or not knowing."

"Not knowing…"

Sweets nodded, "Of course…" He leaned forward to get her attention, "Sometimes the best things in life spring out of the worst things, keep that in mind."

"You're the second person in less than 24 hours to tell me that ultimately this will have been a positive occurrence."

"Well, do you think that someone coming to terms with their past, embracing their present and no longer fearing their future is a negative thing?"


	14. Chapter 14

Cam quickly walked toward her car, it had been a miserable day and all she wanted was to go home. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Booth leaning against the driver side door.

"Got a minute?" Booth asked with his hands jammed in the pockets of his trench coat.

Cam shook her head, "I really don't, my day has been nothing but mind-numbing meetings and budget discussions and Hodgins asking for equipment we could never afford and on top of all of that, I told Michelle I'd look at college brochures with her. Rain check?"

"I kissed Bones." Booth admitted under his breath.

"I could spare a few minutes."

"That's what I thought."

As they started walking toward the diner Cam asked, "When?"

"Last night, in her office."

Cam thought back to the cryptic conversation she had with Brennan the night before. This tidbit of information explained it all. "What brought this on?"

"I didn't mean to…Its just that, well I was talking to Sweets and he…" Booth sighed and then grumbled, "He had some good points."

"Sweets? You're listening to Sweets now?" Cam asked as they stopped at the corner for the light to change.

"He just brought a few things to my attention that I hadn't noticed - that's all."

"Like?"

"What he said isn't important, it's the events it lead to that I'm trying to figure out. Last night was…it was awkward to say the least."

Cam winced, "Oh, you told her how you feel and she told you she doesn't feel _that _way about you?"

"Not exactly."

"So, she said she does?"

"Not exactly."

Cam grabbed his arm, "Then what did she say?"

"I don't remember _everything_ she said – it's kinda fuzzy. But she did tell me that the things she's done over the years that I saw as her not being interested were only done because she thought I wasn't interested."

"What did you say to that?"

"I did what any man of wisdom and experience would do – I kissed her and ran away." Booth stepped off the curb to cross the street.

Following behind him Cam stifled a giggle, "That sounds about right for you two."

"It's such a mess – all of it. I let Sweets talk me into actually thinking that things would pan out between us. He's just a kid, he has no clue how the real world works."

"He couldn't have talked you into it if you didn't want to believe it."

"I did…I did want to believe it – I still do want to believe it but come on, me and Bones? Really? It would ruin everything."

"Ruin is a strong word. I mean things would change but…"

Booth stopped and turned toward her, "Ok, here's a scenario for you; a year from now, Bones and I are dating and she wakes up one morning and decides that she's no longer interested in our experiment in monogamy."

"Experiment?"

"Everything is an experiment to her. So, she and I break up – what happens to the work?"

Cam shrugged, "It would be awkward at first but you would manage, I think."

"What about the squints?"

"What about 'em?"

"Sweets says that Bones and I are the parental figures – what happens to them?"

"Well, most children like it when Mommy and Daddy sleep in the same bed – it makes them worry if they don't."

"That's not what I meant – I meant what happens when it ends?"

Cam smiled wickedly, "I'm pretty sure that Brennan would get full custody of Angela and maybe Hodgins but I have no doubt that you would at least get joint custody of Wendell and Sweets."

"It's not funny, Cam." Booth resumed walking, regretting ever bringing the subject up with her.

Cam let him get a few steps ahead of her before saying, "Oh, it's kind of funny. Think of it, Thanksgiving with you, Christmas with her and then they would split spring breaks and summers between 'Mommy and Daddy'."

He turned to face her. "Thank you, Camille. Thank you for taking my personal crisis and finding a way to make yourself laugh – you're a peach."

"Give it a rest! You're in love with a girl – it's not the end of the world."

"It's certainly the end of _a_ world. It's the end of the world that I was comfortable living in – I knew my way around there and how interact with the locals, now?"

Cam pulled on his sleeve as they started walking again, "Let me just tell you, this _new_ world that you're lost in is just like the old one. You're just…just seeing the landscape a little differently – that's all."

"You think I'm lost, too?"

"Too?"

Booth rolled his eyes, "Another thing that Sweets told me was that he thought I was lost, so lost that I didn't want to be found."

Cam considered this, rocking her head back and forth, "You could use some guidance, I guess. Maybe someone just to point out a few landmarks?"

"Give me one."

Cam smiled, "Like it or not, you and Brennan _are_ the parental units in our little rag-tag group and that's not a bad thing. Regardless of all the wishy-washy-ness that you're currently experiencing, inside you've always known how important it was and is to be a part of something bigger than yourself."

"A family…" Booth paused and leaned against a lamppost, "It just happened – I never meant to get so involved."

"But you did and honestly, would you change a thing?" Cam didn't wait for an answer – she already knew the answer. "Look, I know I wasn't around when this whole thing started but I know you well enough to know this didn't just happen to you. You make it seem like you woke up from the coma and you were suddenly blindsided by the fact that you love her, that you had no control over the situation. The truth is you courted these circumstances from day one!"

"I never wanted to end up _here_. I just wanted…I wanted… I don't even know what I wanted it was so long ago." Booth kicked a stone away from his foot.

She poked him in the chest with her forefinger, "In the beginning, you just wanted the pretty scientist to laugh at your jokes."

Booth grinned, "Yeah, that took awhile."

"Now, the pretty scientist wants you to laugh at _her_ jokes. See what I'm getting at?"

"I really don't."

Cam smiled, "The _Dr. Temperance Brennan_ that I first met four years ago is very different than the woman we're discussing right now. I see her making an effort with all the people in her life to be more open and accessible and I have to imagine that it scares her to death. But she's willing to do it for you."

"I never asked her to change."

"And if you had, she never would have."

Booth considered this for several minutes while staring at the sidewalk. Then he looked up at his friend, "You know for as much as Bones is a worldly, intelligent woman she can be very child-like. Like, when she learns something new or sees something for the very first time, her eyes get as big as saucers and she reminds me of Parker on Christmas morning – excited and in awe of everything and being in love would…it would be new for her."

"And you want to be the man who elicits the wide-eyed astonishment?"

"Is that wrong?"

"I don't think she would appreciate the comparison to a child but no, it's not wrong. It's very right and very _you_."

Booth smiled faintly, "I just don't know if it's worth the risk. We have a good thing going here and what if asking for more tears it apart?"

"Can I offer you some advice?"

"Depends on who's giving it, are you Cam Bones' boss, or the one that used to like seeing me naked or a caring outsider or a concerned friend?"

"I'm all of those things, I am but I'm also something else – something that I'll tell you now but will deny to my death ever having admitted." Cam stopped and folded her arms across her chest.

"And what's that?"

"I'm part of this family too. We, all of us, are more than the work. We're lucky that we have that, that we have each other and the idea of losing that is frightening."

"Not making me feel any better, Cam."

"The point is, if I doubted that you and Brennan didn't deserve at least a chance, I wouldn't be telling you to take that chance. I've known you a long time and I've seen you at your best and your worst but I've never seen you happy, truly happy and I'd like to."

Booth sighed, "So would I…"


	15. Chapter 15

"Working late?" Booth asked as he knocked on Brennan's door.

His voice broke her quiet concentration and caused her to jump slightly, "Booth! I-I wasn't expecting anyone."

"I know but I saw that you called earlier when I was in a meeting and I thought I'd stop by and see what you needed."

"I didn't actually need anything, I was just calling to talk and to be honest, I was kind of relieved when you didn't answer." She admitted sheepishly.

He smiled as he moved closer to her and asked, "And why is that?"

"Because wanting to talk to you and having something to talk about are two entirely different things."

"But you did _want_ to talk to me?"

"Yes, but it seems for all the talking we do, we don't really communicate."

"That's a very…very succinct way to put it, Bones." He casually took a seat across from her desk, "And why do you think that is?"

Brennan shrugged half-heartedly, "I don't know – that's not really my department. I'm not comfortable speculating on the reasons people do or don't do certain things."

Booth looked at her intently, hating that he loved it when she was so unsure. "I'm sorry about last night…"

"I'm not." She did not flinch, she did not stutter.

"You're not? Been waiting a long time to tell me those things?"

"Not particularly."

"Then?"

Brennan rested her forearms on her desk and leaned forward, "All too often, things occur between us that we ignore, that we overlook but last night can't be ignored or overlooked. It happened – you _love _me and you can't take that back. I won't let you."

"I had no intention of taking it back."

"Good, 'cause you're not allowed."

Booth righted himself in his seat and matched her forward leaning pose, "So, does that mean that you…ya know?"

She retracted into her seat, "I-I don't know that…that I l-love you – that's not to say I don't just that-"

"You don't know." Booth cut her off.

"Precisely." Brennan tucked her hair behind her ears, "Do you remember the Christmas we were all stuck in the lab?"

"Kinda hard to forget that, Bones."

"You asked me why I was willing to take medicine for an illness I didn't know I had but wasn't willing to give God the same benefit of the doubt."

Booth smiled, "I remember."

"While I still don't nor do I think I ever will believe in God, that question has stuck with me."

"Why?"

"Because even though you posed it in defense of something irrational, the question itself was very rational. I can't not believe in something simply because I have no tangible evidence that it exists. I should arrive at that conclusion when there is actual evidence proving the contrary."

"And there's no proof that you don't love me?"

Brennan looked down at her desk and shook her head.

"But there's not enough to convince you that you do."

"That I'm not sure of – it's only been recently that I've even allowed myself to acknowledge that evidence existed."

Booth considered this before responding, he had always known this would be difficult for her but he it had never occurred to him that it would be equally difficult for him. He chose to relieve her of her misery. "It's ok, Bones. I'm a patient man, a hopeful man – I can wait."

"That's the problem, I don't think that you should have to wait but…" she trailed off, unsure of how to finish her thought.

That sat still in several minutes of silence before Booth asked, "Can I know why you met with Sweets today?"

"He told you?" She asked blushing slightly.

"Only that you asked him to lunch – nothing else."

Brennan debated recounting Sweets' soda bottle theory and then decided to cut to the chase, "You're different."

"Different than what?"

"Than…" She couldn't bring herself to tell him that she feared he wasn't the person she had always thought he was.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"For what?"

"For being different, I know how you cling to the few constants in your life and I have to admit that I used to pride myself on being a constant. I'm sorry that I'm not."

"You can't apologize for something you had no control over."

"Well, I'm sorry for that too. For losing control."

Brennan swallowed hard, "What do you think changed?"

Booth exhaled deeply, "I-I can't pinpoint it. I can't."

"Can you try?"

Booth stood, running his fingers through his hair, "It's like when I work up I just…got it."

"Got what?"

"Who I was and I mean who I _really_ was, not who I was pretending to be."

Brennan watched him move around her office with her brows furrowed, "You didn't know who you were before?"

"I thought I did but turns out I was way off the mark."

"Is it a good thing? I mean, do you like who you really are?"

Booth turned on his heel and looked at her, "I'm still getting acquainted with me but I can tell you I really like my real life."

She smiled, "That's good."

He returned her smile, "Yeah, I mean why fight fate?"

"I don't believe in fate. The choices we make in our present help determine our future"

Booth hung his head, bobbing it up and down, "Right…baby steps, Bones."

"Think about it, Booth. If our lives were destined to be a certain way what would be the point of free will?"

"Ok, I get it. I do." He gripped the back of the chair he had been sitting in and leaned, straight –armed toward her, "What else?"

"What do you mean?"

"What else do you want to know – I know you, you have questions."

Brennan folded her hands in front her, "Sweets said some interesting things…"

"Yeah, he says a lot of interesting things and I'm finding out that he's not as wrong as we always assume he is."

"You only think that because he idolizes you."

"Well, there is that…"

"He cried, you know?"

Booth shook his head, "When?"

"When you were in the hospital. He wasn't ashamed to let any of us see either."

"You didn't cry, though."

She pushed her chair back, "Not in front of the others."

"Why?"

"In your absence, I saw the need to be you."

Booth rounded the chair and sat, "Be me?"

"You're the one who keeps us all together, centered, on task. You weren't capable of doing that so I…I did."

He reached across the desk and rested his hand on top of hers, "You didn't have to."

She pulled her bottom hand out from underneath his and placed it on top, "Yes, I did. This is my…" She bit her lip and steadied herself, "The others and you, you are my family. You do things for family, things you wouldn't normally do – you taught me that."

Booth felt the urge to pull back away from her but he fought it, this was one of those moments that he needed to show Brennan that he was all in. So instead, he reached over and placed his other hand on top of the hand huddle they had started. "When did you figure out the whole family thing?"

"Gradually over time and then all at once." Brennan shrugged and continued, "I know that doesn't make sense but that's what it felt like."

"No, I get that. Kinda happened the same way for me. You know, over the years I was aware of the place that everyone had in my life but I didn't realize that they had become my life until…"

"Until the coma?"

"Until I sat back and analyzed what the coma dream meant."

"With Sweets' help?"

Booth rolled his eyes, "Yes, I can admit that the kid helped me. I'm not a fan of him being right about my life but in this case I think he was right on the money."

"What didn't you want to think about?" Brennan asked with her eyes fixed on their hands.

"What do you mean?"

She looked up, "Sweets said that there were things in your life that you had been avoiding, that you didn't want to think about and during the coma you were forced to reckon with them."

He cleared his throat and squeezed her hands in the process, "I was avoiding a lot of things – too many things."

"Specifically?"

"Well for starters, did you know I love Sweets?" Booth couldn't help but laugh when he asked the question.

Brennan smiled, "I-I was not aware of that."

"Yeah, apparently I love everyone in a family-type way and I had failed to see that or let myself feel it."

"I find that the more important something is to me the more apprehension I feel when evaluating it."

Booth agreed, "It's easier and safer to deny it's even there. Then risk…well, losing it I guess."

Brennan pulled her hands out of the pile and ran them down her face, wiping underneath her eyes, "So, you learned that you love the family you ended up with even if they're not who you wanted?"

Booth raised his pointed finger, "Ah, but they are what I need. That part I figured out on my own."

"What else did you learn?"

He leaned back in his seat and crossed one leg over the other, "That I need to get over what I always thought my life would be and jump head first into what my life _is_."

"That would be good advice for anyone."

"Yeah, you know, so what if I'm 37 and never been married or that Parker will probably be my only child – I'm luckier than most. I've survived things that would kill other people and that includes working with you for five years."

Brennan tried to fight a smile but gave in, "It did kill you once – if only for two weeks."

"I guess it did, didn't it?" They shared a laugh before Booth leaned forward, serious, "We've never discussed that."

"I was hurt, you were doing your job, you wanted me to know you were alive, Sweets chose not to tell me, you're alive, I'm alive, Zack was Gormogon's apprentice, he's now locked up for the foreseeable future and…and we go on."

"We go on." Booth repeated her words.

Brennan pressed her palms into the desk and forced herself to sit up straight, "It's what we do, Booth. It's who we are. Together or apart our instincts are the same."

Booth tapped the desk in front of him, "We're not the opposites I always assumed we were. I mean, there are basic things about us that are very different but when you get down to the meat, we fear the same things, we value the same things and I think we want the same things – I think, I could be wrong about that last part."

She awkwardly came to her feet, "I've actually given this a lot of thought. Heaped on top of me trying to determine if I love you, I've also been considering what a life spent with you, shared with you, would entail."

He slowly stood to look her in the eye, "And what did you come up with?"

"Rationally and objectively, the two of us sharing a life does not make any sense and we would probably only hurt each other and everything we've built together."

Booth slowly nodded, feeling his gut twist inside of him.

"But, there is a but…"

"Oh, thank God." He muttered under his breath.

"Speaking from a place of _feelings_ and experiences, a place I need to look to more often for answers…A life with you would be a challenge. It would." She smiled faintly, "But it would be fun, too. And frightening and aggravating and surprising and consuming, both in time and spirit, but ultimately I think it would be worth it."


	16. Chapter 16

"So, you've given this a lot of thought." Booth asked.

"Haven't you?"

"Well, yeah but I never really got past the whole worth while challenge part of it. And all that other stuff you said about it being aggravating and surprising – that's just a normal day for me with you so I didn't really factor it in."

"There are numerous things to consider. Like, we don't even know that we would be physically compatible."

"Oh, no." Booth leaned on the desk, "I don't think that will be a problem."

Brennan smiled, "Well, we won't know until we take that next step."

Booth closed his eyes and shook his head. He opened one eye and then the other to find her staring at him with an amused look on her face. "Look Bones, I'm not saying this to bully you or force you to make a decision but that _next step_ doesn't happen without you knowing and I mean _really_ knowing how you feel."

"But what if the next step helps me determine how I feel, _really_ feel."

"It doesn't work that way - not with me."

Brennan leaned forward on the desk, "Are you skittish because it's been awhile for you?"

"Hasn't been that long, Bones."

"It's been years since you broke up with Cam."

Booth pulled at his collar, "Is it hot in here, it's gotten hotter in here, hasn't it?"

"I'm fairly certain that it's the same temperature as when you arrived…" Brennan considered his reluctance and asked, "Cam wasn't the last one?"

"Uh, no. There was someone after her." Booth paused, hoping he could leave the subject vague.

"You never mentioned anyone – were you ashamed?"

"No, I wasn't ashamed. It just wasn't…it didn't last long and there was no need to discuss it, that's all." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "Can we get back to the subject at hand?"

"How can you consider having sex with me when you can't even broach the subject with me?"

Booth sunk back into his seat, "Because…The stuff you said before about a life shared is kinda what I've been focusing on."

"So, you haven't contemplated a physical relationship?"

"No, I have plenty – lots, actually…It just…it doesn't seem like the biggest hurdle."

She slowly slipped back into her chair, "What does seem like the biggest hurdle?"

"The stuff you said last night, about our jobs being dangerous and our position on the team – those are the big ones."

"You put those hurdles in place, Booth." Brennan bit her lip and waited for him to respond.

"Maybe I did."

"No, I know you did. I watched you put them up. And you were never shy about letting me know they were there or why they were there."

"It was to protect you." He slowly and just above a whisper.

"From what? You?"

"Maybe…."

"That's ironic considering I've always felt that you were the one person I didn't need to be protected from. Did you think I was so fragile and sheltered that I couldn't handle you?" She asked with her voice crackling with emotion.

"In a way, yes." He stood to make his point, "You are brilliant and worldly but…I've always known that what was happening or would eventually happen between us was something you were not ready for. And standing here, I have to wonder if you're even ready now!"

She stood with force, "Why? Because I'm not ready to put a label on how I feel about you?"

"Yeah, five years is a long time to now know how you feel."

"You just recently came to the conclusion yourself. And I would like to point out, you haven't actually said how you feel."

"Fine, I love you. Happy?"

"Actually, I am."

Booth chuckled lightly and jammed his hands in his pockets, "I'm glad you're happy. I enjoy that."

"As do I."

"Yeah…" Booth glanced over his shoulder and then leaned across the desk, "I'm gonna head home."

"Why now?"

"I don't want to fight with you – at least not about this, so I'm gonna go."

Brennan nodded once, "Ok."

He smiled, "Ok…Come here."

She leaned closer and allowed him to cup her chin.

"Just stop thinking about all the big things and focus on the little things." He whispered.

"Like what?"

Slowly, tentatively he collected her lips with his own. When they pulled apart he said, "Like that."

She watched him slowly swagger out of her office before he was out of earshot she called out, "I hope I do love you."

Booth spun around and smiled, "I'll take that for now."


	17. Chapter 17

Sweets quietly knocked on Booth's office door before entering, "Uh Booth, I know we've been discussing your life a lot recently but I wanted to share something with you."

"Sweets we talk about my life because my life is more interesting."

"No, you're life is more challenging but I'm willing to venture that right now my life is a heck of a lot more interesting."

"And why is that?"

Sweets took a seat and announced, "I'm getting married."

"To Daisy?"

"No, to some random woman I met let night – yes, to Daisy."

"Wow…That's kinda sudden isn't it?"

"We've been dating for well over a year – not everyone takes a decade to move forward like you."

Booth held up his hand in protest, "Alright…Well, congratulations. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks." Sweets looked around the office, taking note of the drawn blinds, "Everything ok with you?"

"I'm fine."

"Talk to Brennan?"

Booth nodded once, "I did."

Sweets leaned forward, mouth agape, "And?"

"And…Look, Sweets I reluctantly appreciate the advice you've given me but I can take it from here."

"So, it was a good talk?" Sweets grinned.

"I'm done discussing this with you."

"Aren't you going to give me anything?"

Booth rolled his eyes and sighed, "She hopes."

"She hopes what? That all the air doesn't turn to wood?"

"What?"

"Never mind…So, she hopes _something_ and you're content with that?"

Booth smiled, "I am."

Sweets inched to the edge of his seat, "And how long do you think you'll stay content with this? We both know that in about two weeks, you're going to get down-trodden about the state of things, you'll come moping into my office, flop on the couch and beg me to make sense of it all."

"I don't beg."

"Fine, you ask but still…I'm going to have a pretty busy month so maybe we could cut to the chase now?"

Booth stood crossed the room and pulled the door open, "I told you, I don't need to discuss it with you. She hopes and I'm good with that."

Sweets allowed the agent to usher him out of the office but before leaving he said, "I'm glad she hopes – for a woman like Dr. Brennan that shows tremendous growth."

* * *

"Hey Bren? Did Booth ever get back to you on whether or not this is the suspect we're looking for?" Angela held up a sketch as she waltzed into Brennan's office.

She looked up, "Uh no, he said he'd let me know – he wasn't sure."

"And you hate that?"

"What?"

Angela quickly tucked herself into the chair across from Brennan, "You like your Booth certain. Even if he's wrong you want him to be definite. I think it scares you a bit when he's not."

"I don't expect him to always be certain. That's impossible."

"I know that but what I meant is that you feel better, more secure when he thinks he's on the right path even if it ends up being the wrong one." Angela tilted her head and smiled sympathetically, "I say this out of love and pure admiration for you, Sweetie; for all of your bravado about being independent and self-sufficient, you like it when he takes control of a situation. Which he hasn't done much recently and I'm sure that's bugging you."

"I accept that Booth is still adapting to things since his surgery and he needs time to fully adjust."

"But you don't disagree with any of the things that I said?"

Brennan twisted her lips back and forth before responding, "Well, I can admit that he is much more amusing when he thinks he's right so that's a positive."

"Amusing? Brennan really? It's hot when a man like that knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it and I think you would enjoy it, if you would let yourself."

Brennan frowned slightly as she considered this, she hadn't really let herself enjoy any of what had been occurring between her and Booth lately out of fear. Fear of what it all meant and an even deeper fear of what would be lost.

"Angela, was it worth it? You and Hodgins?"

"Worth what?"

"Was the time you spent together worth the aftermath of it?"

"You know me, of course it was worth it. Yes, it hurt when it ended and it still stings occasionally but I wouldn't trade the time, the good or the bad, that he and I shared just so I could escape the pain."

"You wouldn't have done anything differently? Even if you knew for certain that it would end and that end would be devastating?"

"The way I see it is that if we never ventured outside of ourselves looking for happiness and love then we would be wasting the time we have. " Angela watched her friend struggle to comprehend this and she placed a warm hand on top of Brennan's, "I don't know why you're asking this now but I know that you must have a very good reason."

"I'm just curious, that's all."

"That's all….Yeah, I wasn't born yesterday – you're asking me questions hoping that my responses will answer the questions you're asking yourself. You say that you don't believe in love but you write about it in your books, you admit to loving your family and your friends and you're sitting here, now, asking me about the aftermath of my love for Hodgins – someone who truly believes that love is ephemeral and nothing more than a hormonal response wouldn't do those things so, 'fess up."

"I-I want to believe that it's more but…."

"Old habits die hard?"

"They really do. It's very difficult for me to not know."

Angela squeezed her hand and then let it go, "You don't know because you've never ventured outside of yourself. You've never allowed yourself to want anyone enough to let go and give them the control."


	18. Chapter 18

Two weeks had passed since Booth had asked Brennan to stop thinking about all the big things and focus on the little things and like a sleepy dog, he had let the subject lie. They continued on, business as usual – cases, lunch, dinner and drinks but nothing more, nothing new. Most days he was successful in convincing himself that he was ok with her hesitancy but there were moments when he just couldn't…

"Will you be attending Sweets' bachelor party?" Brennan asked him as she knelt over the remains of a fire victim in the middle of a frozen field of snow.

Booth bounced up and down, trying to stay warm, "I hate when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Ask me questions about normal people stuff while you're recovering remains it's creepy."

She turned to look up at him and smiled, "You're cranky."

"Why do you say that like it's a good thing?"

Brennan stood and snapped off her latex gloves, "Angela says that I like you certain that when you're not it's unsettling for me."

"That's interesting, I guess."

"I'm still not sure if she's right about that but I do know I like you cranky."

He cocked a brow in her direction, "You like me cranky?"

"Yes, it's very you. It's part of who you are."

"Another Boothy thing?"

"Yes."

"Are you done? I can't feel my toes or my nose…"

"Are you trying to be poetic?"

"What, no – I'm just naming frozen body parts. Are you through here?"

She looked back down at the remains and nodded, "Yes, I think they can transport everything back to the lab."

Booth exhaled deeply to see his breath, "Good let's go."

As they sloshed through the mix of slush and snow, Brennan asked again, "Are you going to Sweets' stag party?"

"Yeah, I'm going. Are you going to Daisy's thing?"

Brennan wrapped her scarf tightly against her throat, "Well, she did ask me quite enthusiastically and I think I should go. I feel that it's important that we're supportive of Daisy – for Sweets."

Booth glanced at her sideways and grinned, "For Sweets?"

"Yes, I think that it's important to him that we accept her even if she's not my favorite intern…"

Booth poked her in the side, "You like Daisy!"

"What, I do not. I'm just being nice."

"Nope, you like Daisy and I'll tell you why you like her. She worships you and even though you say that that type of thing shows a lack of, what do you call it? Original thought, you like it."

"So, you like the fact that Sweets idolizes you."

As they reached the car, Booth paused, "Yeah, but I'm awesome. And he never had an older brother so there's that, too…"

Once in the car, Booth cranked the heat up and they sat in quietly waiting for their bodies to thaw out. When Booth slid the SUV into drive, Brennan cleared her throat, "It's been several days since we've talked."

"What was the whole you like me cranky and you love Daisy discussion just now?"

Brennan tilted her head and sighed, "I meant about…things, between us. You haven't said anything, you haven't asked me anything…"

"Ah, Bones I know that you'll tell me when you're ready. You have a very hard time keeping things to yourself and since you haven't said anything, I assume you're not ready and that's ok."

"Why are you being so patient? You are not by definition a patient individual."

"Because, there's no point in rushing anything. If it ends up being a good thing, it'll be worth the wait and if it ends up being…not-good, I don't mind postponing the pain."

Brennan frowned, "You would be hurt though?"

He sucked his bottom lip in and thought for a beat, "I would but I think it would be better knowing and moving on then being stuck in a holding pattern for the rest of my life."

"I don't w-want to hurt you."

"I know and I know that if you did it wouldn't be deliberate."

They sat in the hushed noise of the vehicle both lost in their own thoughts. While Booth had spent the past two weeks trying to remain upbeat and optimistic, Brennan had spent the time searching the murky depths of her soul and questioning the world she thought she knew so well – they were both exhausted from their separate chores.

After checking in at the lab and making sure the evidence was secure, Booth took her home. He followed her up the steps to her apartment thinking of how sad the thought of hurting him made her and it made his heart beat just a little faster. He was almost certain, which he now knew she needed him to be, that she loved him.

Inside her apartment Brennan began to shuck her winter layers and headed into the kitchen to make coffee. Booth stood with his back straight against her front door, unsure of where to settle. This was the first time they had been alone, with the exception of the car, since that night in her office and he was suddenly very aware that it had been a long two weeks.

As Brennan headed back into her living room, she saw Booth standing near the door, shaking the snow off his coat. She carefully watched him slip of his coat and hang it up next to hers, there was something very domestic and intimate about their coats hanging next to each other and it stirred something in her.

Quickly, she made her way to him. Without a word, she laced her fingers into his snow-damp hair and pushed her lips onto his. Forcing him up against the wall. He didn't respond instantly but he didn't push her away either. Slowly but surely he became an active player in their little game. The only problem was she was ruling the field at that moment. And Booth did not like to lose.

As their lips danced over each other's, Booth's mind immediately started to skip ahead, three or four steps. He saw himself slowly unbuttoning her dark blouse to reveal her pale skin, then freeing her breasts from their lace prison. He saw his hands move across her flesh, leaving no delicate spot untouched and then…

Booth pulled back from her, shocked to see fear in her eyes. Fear of him walking away, fear of him not wanting her, fear that she had tried to tackle something she wasn't prepared to handle. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth waiting for his cue as to what they would do next – she was in a foreign land and looking to him as her guide.

He lunged for her with a thought in his mind, placing one hand on the back of her neck and the other on her hip. He forcefully pulled her toward him and was pleased that this caused her to let out a sweet sigh – for all of her feminist bluster Brennan enjoyed having a man take control. Or maybe it was just this man.

As he brought his lips down to hers one more time, he stopped just before they made contact and opened his eyes. Brennan was looking right back at him, offering a silent signal that this was indeed what she wanted. He ran his tongue around the outline of her lips before allowing their lips to connect.

While the sensation of her body so close to his blanketed his body with warmth, Booth started to internally panic. This was not how this was supposed to happen – he had been very clear with her about that fact but…He loved her and at that moment he couldn't see turning down the woman he loved – what if he never had the chance again. He decided that this moment, even if it ended up being a fleeting, one-time event was all that mattered. He pushed the big picture to the back of his mind.

He pivoted his hip just enough to be able to spin her around so that she was now up against the wall, she was now at his mercy and that felt right on more levels than either of them could name. Her hands wandered across his back and down to his hips, when she linked her fingers into the waistband of his jeans he could of sworn he had been struck by lightening. The surge of electricity he felt run through his body was too strong to be caused by anything less.

He groaned at her new hand placement and slowly peeled her away from the wall. It was eight steps from where they were to her bedroom but at that moment it felt like they would have to cross the Atlantic Ocean, but they were up for it. They were up for everything and anything.

They stumbled down the hall, never breaking contact. Shucking their clothes as they went. As they stopped at the threshold of her room Booth lifted his arms and pulled off his shirt. Brennan's eyes and hands jumped to the scar on his chest – the one that was there because of her.

His breath stopped as she reached over and planted a light kiss on it. Her lips lingering, hating and loving that it was there all at the same time. For Brennan the mark was tangible evidence that with him she was safe. Booth didn't want her to dwell there, for him it was a symbol of everything that she feared. It had taken him away from her, only for a few weeks but still.

He cupped her face with both hands and guided her lips to his own. As her tongue brushed his own he slowly backed her onto the bed. As they melded together it was as if those previously cold and single people forged something new, something that they had both dwelled on for so long and yet neither of them were fully prepared for.


	19. Chapter 19

The next morning, Cam was standing on the sidewalk down the street from the diner, fiddling with her coffee mug when she saw Booth. She grinned ear to ear when she saw him not because of the man but because of the building the man was exiting.

"Seeley Booth leaving St. Peter's at 11:30am on Tuesday – this is gonna be good."

"Not now, Camille." He turned to walk down the street away from her but she skipped quickly to catch up with him.

"What were you doing in there?"

"It's a Holy Day." He grunted.

"A moveable feast?"

"Yeah…"

"Really? Which saint?"

He turned and gripped her forearm, "Leave it alone."

"Ok, it's just that the only time I've ever known you to go to church in the middle of the week is when you're feeling like some good ol' self-flagellation."

When Booth reached his vehicle he stopped, "That's between me and my God – get your own."

Relieved to be alone, in the sanctuary of his vehicle, Booth exhaled deeply.

"Can I get a ride?" Cam asked as she pulled the passenger door open.

"To where?"

"The lab? The burned remains you and Brennan dropped off last night? Ringing any bells?"

"Oh, yeah…right." In the midst of falling into bed with his partner and waking up in said bed, he had almost completely forgotten about the case.

Cam climbed in, "I think Hodgins was pretty close to time of death and Angela is almost done with the face so…"

"That's fantastic." Booth mumbled sarcastically.

"Yeah, they've all been in since the crack of dawn working, except Dr. Brennan she got in late but she mentioned that you two were going at it pretty late last night."

Booth's head whipped around, "She told you that?"

He knew Brennan wasn't beyond discussing her personal life with the people around her but 'going at it' just seemed completely wrong to him.

"Well, yeah but I saw the logs – I knew it was well after midnight when you dropped the evidence off at the lab."

Relieved, his face flushed pink, he nodded, "Work…right."

Cam smiled, "Ok, you're blushing, leaving a church on a week day and you forgot that there was a case. Care if I make an intuitive leap?"

He slipped on his sunglasses and pulled out into the flow of traffic, "Yes, I care. Don't."

"Fine." Cam sipped her coffee and looked out her window.

Booth glanced at her several times and then sighed dramatically.

She rolled her eyes, "Now, you're just begging me to ask you what's going on."

"No, you don't need to know what's going on."

She poked him in the shoulder, "So, there is something going on."

"No, there's not."

"Whatever. I'm not in the mood anyway."

Booth inhaled sharply, "Have you ever…You know what? Never mind."

_"Jiminy Christmas – just ask, Seeley."_

_Booth's mouth twitched as he searched for the words to ask her about the his night with Brennan without using the actual words, "H-Have you ever made a mistake, but like a ____really good__ mistake, two…or three times and then couldn't remember why it was a mistake in the first place and then some time passed and suddenly you did remember why it was a mistake except you can't go back and change it because it's already done and, I mean it's out there and…have you?"_

_Cam contorted her lips into a big 'O' before responding, "That might be the longest sentence I've ever heard you say and I have no idea what it was about."_

_"Forget it."_

_"No, if you need help I want to help but I didn't quite follow your ramble."_

_"You know, it's times like these when I wish that I had a guy to talk to."_

_"What about Sweets?"_

_Booth scrunched his face up and whined, "Sweets? There is no way I'm discussing my sex life with him!"_

_Cam's eyes sprung open wide, "Sex life?"_

_"No, I meant my life, not my sex life, just my life in general."_

_She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head from side to side, "You had sex with Dr. Brennan."_

_Booth clenched his jaw and refused to even look at her._

_"Ugh, couldn't you have waited until I left for vacation? Now it's just gonna be drama in the lab and we have a case – this is not good."_

_He brought the car to a stop in the Jeffersonian parking structure. "Whattya mean this is not good? If I recall, a few weeks ago ____you__ were telling me that we deserved our chance."_

_"You do but it obviously didn't go well if you're skedaddling off to church in the middle of the day." Cam winced, "Was she bossy? I've always had the thought that she would be very bossy in bed."_

_"It's nothing like that." Booth saw a flash of Brennan, as he hovered above – she was warm and pliable and giving and definitely not bossy._

_"Then what?"_

_"It just…it wasn't supposed to happen like that. It was almost accidental. It was just…all wrong."_

_Cam unbuckled her seat belt and hated herself for asking her next question, "You ____accidentally__ had sex with her three times, in one night?"_

_Booth blew a force of air through his lips, "The first time was most definitely an accident and then the second time was…and then this morning it –"_

_Cam raised her hand in front of his face, "I really can't know anymore. I just can't."_

_They sat in the car, both readying themselves to exit it but neither of them opening a door. Against her better judgment Cam asked, "Why were you in church? Confession?"_

_Booth nodded, "I-I don't think what happened was wrong it just…She was so happy this morning…"_

_"And you weren't?"_

_"No, I was. But there's no commitment there and I was very candid with her about me needing to know that she knew how she really felt before anything like that happened and I was too weak to stop it last night and now it's just gonna be another one of those things between us that we ignore and pretend isn't real."_

_"There's no commitment there? Are you kidding me? You're the only person she's ever been committed to! And the run-on sentences are getting out of control, by the way."_


	20. Chapter 20

_Brennan stood on the forensics platform, desperately trying to focus on the remains in front of her – a task that was growing more difficult by the minute as she anticipated Booth's all but certain arrival to the lab._

_"Alright. Alright." Hodgins bounded up the steps toward Brennan. "I don't have time of death – yet, but I can estimate that he had been out in the elements for close to 12 hours before you got to him."_

_Brennan glanced up, "Thanks but we need more. We don't have an identity, cause of death or a time of death. We need more."_

_He held his gloved hands up in surrender, "I will get you what you need, have I ever failed you? Just give me some time. Not all of us got to sleep in this morning, you know?"_

_"The time that I started working this morning should have no bearing on your results."_

_"I understand that, Dr. B. I was just pointing out that-"_

_Brennan glared at him, "I know what you were trying to point out and I don't appreciate it."_

_Hodgins turned to slink away but before he could Brennan sighed, "I'm sorry, Hodgins. I'm just…I'm frustrated and I shouldn't take it out on you."_

_He smiled, "It's ok, we all have our bad days."_

_Brennan nodded and returned to the work in front of her. ____Bad day__, she thought to herself, ____it hadn't started out bad at all.__ But now, with the soft light of her bedroom being replaced by the harsh and unforgiving light of the lab things looked and felt very different._

_Glancing toward the exit, she couldn't decide if it was better to be front and center, hard at work or tucked away in her office when Booth arrived. She finally gave into the latter and quickly dashed into her office._

_Once she had settled at her desk, Hodgins came rushing into her office. "You left before I could give you the report on the accelerant used – it was your average, run-of-the-mill lighter fluid. Gonna be pretty hard to trace. Sorry."_

_"Thanks, Hodgins." She reached out for the report and flipped through the pages, "Can I ask you something? I'd like your scientific point of view."_

_"Sure thing." He lounged in the chair across from her desk._

_"I'm working on my new book and scientifically speaking, what could be a reason for a variable difference between three sexual encounters, involving the same two people in a seven to eight hour time frame?"_

_"Whoa, this really seems like more of Angela-type question."_

_"No!" Brennan shouted and then regained her composure, she cleared her throat, "No, I mean I would like your analytical view of the events."_

_Hodgins thought for a beat, "Well, depends on the people, you know their relationship to each other. Are we talking about an old married couple who know each other inside and out or is it a new relationship?"_

_"It's both."_

_He raised his brow, "An old married couple in a new relationship?"_

_Brennan bit her lip and looked down at her desk, she hadn't fully thought through her question, "It's two people who know each other very well but are embarking on a new phase of their relationship."_

_Hodgins nodded with a grin, "Right. Let me guess, they've known each other oh, about…five years or so?"_

_Brennan nodded._

_"Extremely close? Some would even say profoundly linked?"_

_She shot up from her seat and quickly crossed the room, pulling her office door shut. "Fine, I'm not speaking hypothetically. I need advice and I-I don't know who to talk to. Normally, I would talk to Booth but after last night-"_

_"Since this about Booth, you can't."_

_"I really can't."_

_"Well for starters, Booth loves you."_

_Brennan leaned against the door, "How do you know?"_

_"I've been a man in love – we can sniff each other out like bloodhounds. But you want to know why the three separate, let's call them ____events__ were different?"_

_"Yes." She crossed the room and perched on the edge of her desk in front of him._

_"Ok, I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say the first ____e-event__, was a frenzy of…this is really hard and you have to know that if Booth ever finds out we discussed this – he will shoot me."_

_"He won't know, I promise."_

_Hodgins looked at her cautiously and inhaled deeply, rapidly speaking he explained, "The first ____event__ was probably a frenzy of emotions and pent up sexual frustration while the other two events were more of a getting-to-know-you type of situation." He exhaled deeply._

_Brennan frowned, "But we know each other."_

_"Not naked, you don't. That's a whole different level of knowing. And I think I have a pretty good read on Booth and I don't think he'd want anything with you to be frenzied, he doesn't strike me as that kind of guy."_

_She crossed her arms tightly to her chest, "What kind of guy does he strike you as?"_

_"He's a patient man. Self-less to a fault so…" Hodgins looked behind him to make sure no one was headed their way. "I'm almost certain that last night was more about you for him than it was about him."_

_"That doesn't make any sense."_

_"Not to you, it wouldn't."_

_"Why not me?" Brennan asked, slightly irked._

_"Because you….And I say this from a standpoint of pure admiration and I don't mean to be condescending in any way, shape or form but you're kinda screwed up."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"What Booth has to offer you, you've never even considered needing. But the good thing is, he's just as screwed up as you are – he just hides it better."_

_Brennan silently considered this while Hodgins continued, "See, that's what we're all looking for in this world. Someone who is as equally screwed up as we are."_

_"Why?"_

_Hodgins leaned toward her, "Because our experiences make us who we are, and most experiences weigh you down with some type of emotional baggage that inevitably screws you up. You can't ever really get rid of the baggage you have to learn to carry it, live with it. So, when looking for a mate you want someone on your level, someone whose bags are equal or near-equal in weight to yours, someone who can relate to you."_

_"Someone to relate to how screwed up you are?" Brennan asked, obviously confused._

_Hodgins smiled, "Exactly."_

_"And you think that Booth is as screwed up as I am?"_

_"Most definitely."_

_Brennan lifted her feet up to her desk and hugged her knees, "What does that have to do with sex?"_

_"I don't think you're confused about the sex – that's a mechanical, biological process that you are very well acquainted with."_

_"Then?"_

_"I think you're having a hard time processing the effects of the ____events __and you're trying to break it down to easier to handle bits and pieces. Don't. Take it as a whole experience not just last night but the entire five years – what do ____they __mean to you?"_


	21. Chapter 21

Hodgins had given Brennan plenty to think about and when he left, she wandered over to her couch with her laptop to ponder his words. She had never considered the idea that she or Booth was 'screwed up' she had always reasoned that they were two adults who had successfully managed to rise above hardships in their youth. She didn't view him or herself as damaged, she thought that they were actually both quite well-developed in all aspects of their lives. But Hodgins reasoned that everyone was screwed up so...

Brennan whispered to herself, "But if everyone is screwed up isn't that the norm?"

She laid her head back on the couch and closed her eyes. She tried, as Hodgins had suggested, to evaluate the entire experience she had had with Booth over the past five years but she kept getting stuck on what had occurred in her bed at roughly three am that morning.

They had both fallen asleep after the initial go-around but somewhere in the middle of the night, they both had rolled over at the same time, facing each other. His hand fell onto her naked hip and slowly but masterfully he began to make love to her. She barely moved, didn't make a sound at first. She was allowing him to have the control, she wanted him enough to give him the control.

She could still feel her heart beating in her throat and smell his cologne on her and she hated and loved the sensation all at the same time. But that's how things had been between them since the beginning. They had set up long-term camp on that fine line between love and hate.

Brennan heard her door opening and she quickly brought herself back to the present, trying to pretend she was working all along.

"Bones! The squint squad is ready to give me their report - you coming?" Booth had tucked his head into her office, afraid of what letting his entire body wander over the threshold would mean to her at this moment.

She craned her neck to see him and smiled when she did. "I'm afraid there's not much. Why don't you come in?"

"I'll take whatever they can give me at this point. Let's go." He let the door close behind him.

Brennan slowly trudged out to the platform. Listening to Hodgins give Booth the details that he had already shared with her, she studied Booth. He stood as far away from her as he could without appearing obvious and he had his hands jammed firmly in his pockets.

When Hodgins unceremoniously finished his report, he turned to give the report to Cam and to discuss with Angela her recreation of the area the body was found in.

Brennan slowly slided over to Booth and asked, "What's wrong?"

He quickly looked at her and looked away, "Other than the fact, I can't do anything with this case until I get more answers, nothing."

"Why are you being so distant?" She asked in a loud but still hushed voice. The kind of tone that carried quite well through the lab.

Booth looked over at her and then at the squints who had turned to wait for his response and he grumbled something under his breath that no one understood. Shaking his head he grabbed her near her elbow. "Come on, Bones. Let's go."

As she fought him nearly every step of the way, the three left behind all looked and grinned at each other.

"What was that about?" Cam asked, trying to convey the idea that she knew nothing about what was going on.

Hodgins shrugged, "Don't know but they're weird. So..." He trailed off and tried to seem busy at the nearest monitor.

"Yes, Hodgins they are weird. But that was mega-weird, even for them. And why would Bren ask him why he was being distant? Come on guys, this deserves investigation. How can you not be curious about this? It's like watching a soap opera, but without commercial interruptions!" Angela whined.

"You know, Angela it's really known of our business what goes on between them. Let them be." Hodgins said his peace and scurried away before Angela tore him into many pieces.

Cam nodded, "Hodgins is right; besides we have an enormous amount of work to do. This is not 'Days of Our Lives' or some reality show that requires audience participation. Let them sort themselves out."

Angela was left alone on the platform wondering why no one wanted to play with her.

Booth said nothing as he dragged Brennan up the stairs and out on to the roof of the Jeffersonian. When the door closed behind him he dropped her arm.

"What is wrong with you?" She hissed.

"I can't do that." He flung his thumb over his shoulder, gesturing to the building.

"Do what?"

"I can't discuss what happens between us privately with an audience!"

"I wasn't speaking privately - I was pointing out your public behavior. You were acting odd."

"Ya think? Maybe I'm acting odd because I've never slept with my partner and then had to come to work the next day and act like it never happened!"

Brennan fixed her hands on her hips, "You did it with Cam."

"That was different and you should know that."

"Do I? You barely said anything this morning before you left."

He ran his hand down his chest, smoothing his tie and sighed. "I'm sorry Bones. I just...That's not how I thought _things_ should happen with us...I mean, after all these years to just give in to a moment of weakness is unsettling for me. I enjoy my willpower and I don't like losing it...And I really don't enjoy having to discuss this now - can't we talk later tonight?"

Brennan stepped toward him and placed her pointer finger squarely on his chest. "You need to abandon your preconceived notions of how a relationship is supposed to unfold."

"There's a right way and a wrong way to do things."

"Right for who? You? Me? The nuns who taught you in elementary school? I need you to let go of how you think things should normally happen. We're not normal, Booth!"

He smirked, "You got that one right."

"What I mean is that the notions you have are good and commendable but I'm quite certain that when you first developed them you weren't aware of...well, me."

Booth gripped her hand in his own, "I wish I had been."

"Well, you weren't." Brennan dropped her head, "The truth is, we don't need to date or to get to know each other better, or to guide our relationship along at a gentle and steady pace - we're beyond that. And you need to accept that."

He grinned as he tilted her head up toward his, "I will just give me some time - I don't adapt as quickly as you."

She nodded, "Ok."

She rested her forehead near his heart for a moment and then looked up at him, "By the way, I thoroughly enjoyed you losing your willpower."

"Well, thank you very much Dr. Brennan."

Brennan reached for the door, "Anytime, Agent Booth."

"So, any new revelations in the last 24 hours?" He asked hopefully.


	22. Chapter 22

Cam waited in autopsy until she saw Angela head back into her office. She quickly made her way to Hodgins' area.

"I'm only going to ask you this once - what do you know?" She asked with her hands on her hips.

Hodgins looked away from the computer monitor he had been studying and smirked, "I know a lot of things. I have multiple degrees if you recall."

"I meant about Booth and Brennan."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Normally, you are more than happy to speculate with Angela about them but today?"

Hodgins ran his hand down his goatee. "We have work to do, I didn't see any point in speculation today."

Cam rolled her eyes, "Right..."

"What do you know? I mean, there must be something worth knowing if you made a special trip over here to ask me."

She quickly shook her head, "Uh, nothing. Just...I'm a naturally curious person."

Hodgins stood from his stool, "No, you're not. You're happy not knowing about the inner workings of other people's lives."

They stood staring at each other, both with their arms crossed against their chests.

"Is it possible we don't know the same thing?" Cam asked.

"Anything is possible."

"Who did you not hear what you don't know from?" Cam asked in a low, rushed voice.

"You first." Hodgins smiled.

Cam stalled for a moment, trying to decide if her need to alleviate the stress of the secret she was carrying was greater than her loyalty to Booth. In that moment it was. "I ran into Booth this morning and after speaking with him..." She sighed and shook her head.

"Yeah, Brennan cornered me under the guise of asking for my help with her new book but it was obvious that...you know..."

Wide-eyed, they stood grinning at each other.

Hodgins laughed, "This is big."

"No, this is huge."

"What's big and huge?" Sweets asked as he stepped into the ookie room.

"Uh, my new metallic wood-boring beetles - they just came in. Wanna see?" Hodgins asked.

"No thanks, I'll pass. Have you seen Booth? I got his initial report about the burn victim this morning but he's not answering his cell."

"He's around here somewhere." Cam shared a knowing smile with Hodgins and exited quickly.

"You know Sweets, if he's not picking up the phone maybe he's avoiding you."

"No, Booth and I have an understanding between us. He wouldn't freeze me out."

"Yes, I would. And I've been doing it all morning." Booth announced from behind Sweets.

The kid rolled his eyes and turned, "Why?"

"Because there's nothing _new _to discuss."

Sweets furrowed his brow, "With the case or your great white _hope_?"

Booth reached out and pinched the spot between Sweets' neck and shoulder. pulling him away from Hodgins, "With the case, Sweets. We're not discussing anything else, especially in this place."

"Fine." Booth let go of Sweets and he rolled his neck back and forth to make sure it still worked, "I'd like to go out to the field where you found the body to get a feel for things."

"Ok, have fun." Booth started to walk away.

"I need you to go with me." Sweets mumbled under his breath.

Booth turned on his heel, "Why?"

"Hacker doesn't want me out in the field alone - he thinks it looks bad if I'm the only FBI presence, gives the bureau a bad image."

"That's...Well Sweets, I'm not going to lie to you - that's pathetic."

"I know, will you just come with me?"

"Do you need Bones too?"

"Honestly, no - she's just a hindrance to my process."

"You're going to be looking at a field, how much of a process is that?"

Sweets slipped his hands into his pockets, "Do you just really want her with us or do you not want to be alone with me?"

Booth turned and headed toward Brennan's office with Sweets right behind him, "Both of those things are equally correct."

Sweets sat in the back seat of the SUV on the way to the crime scene listening to Booth and Brennan discuss all the ways the body could have been transported to the scene without leaving any traces. When he had heard enough he stuck his head in between the front seats.

"Neither of you have rsvp'd for the wedding." He pointed out.

"We'll be there, Sweets." Booth assured him.

"I know but...Other than my adopted mother's aunt and a few friends from college my side of the church is gonna be pretty sparse."

"I know, Sweets. We'll be there. I just didn't see the need to send the card back when I see you everyday."

Brennan cleared her throat, "I sent mine in a few days ago - Max is going to be my plus one."

Booth laughed, "Your bringing Max to the wedding?"

"Yes, he said he wanted to see my 'baby shrink' get married. I didn't think anyone would mind."

"No, Dr. Brennan it's fine. I love the idea of having a man I testified against in court involved in the happiest day of my life."

"What's the big deal? I testified against him too." Booth asked.

"Yeah, but you two have a...a shared interest. You respect each other in a very macho, tough guy manner."

Booth glanced in the rear view mirror at Sweets, "Don't worry, I think you could outrun him."

Brennan let Sweets' comment about her father and her partner having a 'shared interest' go. But she made a mental note to ask about it later.

When Booth stopped to get gas, he left Brennan and Sweets alone in the vehicle.

Brennan turned around and asked, "Are you certain that you've fully thought through all of the ramifications of getting married so young?"

"I have. I know that you have a very different outlook on monogamy and commitment than I do but I know, even at the tender age of 24, that I want her for the rest of my life and even more than that I know that when you find someone that you can truly be yourself with you need to do everything in your power to preserve that."

"If you're secure with yourself, you can be your true self with anyone."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, you can. I'm myself with everyone. I don't change who I am to fit the company I'm in."

"That's a nice lie to tell yourself but I have observed you being a different person for all the people in your life."

"Fine, give me an example."

Sweets grinned and rubbed his hands together, excited for the challenge, "Ok, for starters with me you are empirical, dismissive and slightly aggressive. With Angela you try to be one of the girls, you're more emotional with her. With Cam and Hodgins you're engaged and open to their ideas and interested in their take on things. You're never the same person with everyone."

As Booth opened the driver's side door, Sweets leaned forward, "And with him, you're your true self."


	23. Chapter 23

After surveying the crime scene, Booth and Sweets dropped Brennan off at the Jeffersonian and headed back to the Hoover building. Once inside Booth's office, Sweets offered the agent a proposition.

"It's been two weeks and you still haven't told me what she hopes. If you tell me, you can consider the information a wedding gift."

"Uh no, that information is worth way more than the set of steak knives I was going to get you."

"Daisy doesn't eat meat."

Booth shook his head, "Of course she doesn't."

"She's says it's for health reasons but I think it's because of Brennan."

"Wow Sweets, you really are a prodigy." Booth deadpanned.

"Thank you, I know...Can I ask you a question?"

"What?"

"Putting aside your own current crisis of the heart-"

Booth raised his hand to cut him off, "I don't have a crisis of the heart."

"Whatever you want to call it, putting _it_ aside, do you ever wonder how two people who are so different can make it work?"

Booth watched the naked lady on his pen lose and regain her clothing as he flipped it back and forth before answering, "The way I see it, there are two types of people in this world. People who love answers and people who love questions."

Sweets closed his eyes and shook his head, "That doesn't help me at all."

"Look, you and I are happy with the questions - answers are good but we find more of what we need in the questions. Daisy and Bones are all about the answers and there are times when I don't even think they listen to the questions and that's ok."

"Is this like a 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' type of thing?"

"Not at all, Hodgins is all about the answers and Cam is like us."

"Ok?"

"At the end of the day, every question needs an answer and vice versa." Booth tapped his desk with his hand to make his point.

"And Daisy is my answer?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, is she?"

Sweets nodded, "Would that make Brennan your-"

Booth cut him off, "I'm still waiting for my answer - literally and metaphorically."

A high-watt grin erupted on Sweets' face, "You told her?"

"I didn't say that."

"But you said you're waiting for an answer. An answer to what?"

"I thought we were talking about you and Daisy?"

Sweets inched forward in his seat, "We were but this is a lot more interesting."

"See, I told you that my life was more interesting than yours."

"You told her how you feel and she didn't balk? She didn't run? She stayed and she's still working with you _and_ speaking to you - you've gotta be pumped about that."

"I'm not 'pumped' about anything 'cause there's nothing to be 'pumped' about, ok?"

Sweets shook his hands back and forth, "Why do you insist on lying to me?"

The agent stood to be heard, "Because discussing this with you would be like discussing it with Jared and that's just not gonna happen."

"Thank you, Booth." Sweets said as sincerely as he could.

"For what?"

"For equating me with your little brother - it's nice."

Booth sat back down and vigorously rubbed his eyes, "I'm not giving you details because I don't do that, but I will tell you that I understand something now, something I thought I knew before but turns out I didn't know at all, and regardless of what happens I will be a better person for it."

Sweets leaned back in his chair and sighed, "So you understand and she hopes but I still know nothing. Thanks."

Booth grinned, "See how I did that?"


	24. Chapter 24

**Later that night, Booth was getting ready to head to bed when Brennan knocked on his door. **

**"Can we talk?" **

**"Sure, come in." **

**Brennan timidly entered his apartment, "Are you ironing?" She asked pointing to the ironing board. **

**"Yes, I have been known to do that on occasion. What's up?" **

**"I need to talk to you, actually it's more of me needing to talk and you to listen." **

**Booth smiled shyly, "Ok, I can do that. Mind if I finish my shirt?" **

**"Not at all." **

**He resumed his chore and Brennan took a seat on the couch. "Have you ever read **_**The Catcher in the Rye**_**?" **

**"Yeah, back in high school, why?" **

**"The protagonist, Holden Caulfied, said 'Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.' And I never understood what that meant until I met you." **

**"I don't follow." **

**"I was, and to some extent I still am, reluctant to share my life with people. I've never been comfortable with people knowing how events affected me so I kept my thoughts of a more personal nature to myself and then you came along. You were adamant that I share things with you, you convinced me that it was important part of the partner experience." **

**"Well, it is." **

**"I know that now but that small change had a domino effect on my life. **_**You**_** have had an enormous effect on my life, Booth." **

**"And you on mine." **

**Brennan stared at her hands, "I hate that I can't tell you how I feel. It seems very juvenile to me." **

**Booth set the iron down and nodded, "I know you're not doing it on purpose." **

**"What if I am? What if I'm stalling because admitting that I love you means that I've been wrong? What if I'm afraid of the consequences of my feelings?" **

**"I know both of those things are true and I don't mind." **

**"Why not?" **

**"Because I'm not asking you to pick your favorite color or your favorite flavor of ice cream, which are blue and strawberry by the way,..." He smiled as he crossed the room to join her on the couch. "I'm asking you to take a chance on me, on us and that's not something you've ever done for anyone before. I'm asking you to risk your way of life for the chance for us to have a life together and I would be shocked if you took that lightly." **

**"I don't." **

**"I know." **

**They both turned and leaned their heads back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. **

**Brennan leaned over and nudged Booth's shoulder with her own, "Do you think I'm screwed up?" **

**"Not at all. Why would you think that?" **

**"Hodgins said that everyone is screwed up in their own way. Even you." **

**"I think that some people are screwed up and other's are beautiful messes. You are a beautiful mess." **

**"That's just a nice way of saying screwed up." **

**Booth sighed and rested his hand on her thigh, "The bug guy is not wrong - everyone is kinda screwed up. Even me." **

**She rolled her head over to look at him, "Can I stay here tonight?" **

**"Bones, you know how I feel ab-" **

**"Just to sleep? I-I've never done that before. Just slept with a man." **

**"It amazes me that you've gotten to the age you have without some guy grabbing a hold of you and getting you to conform to the norm." **

**Brennan twitched her lips back and forth, "I would never let that happen. Men have tried but...I just never wanted to before." **

**"And now you do?" **

**"Yes." **

**"Why?" **

**"I honestly don't know." **

**Booth smiled, "Ok, I will be your guinea pig." **

**Once they had settled into his bed, Brennan in a pair of his sweats and a t-shirt. They both laid on their sides facing each other. **

**"Tell me something that no one else knows about you." Brennan asked quietly. **

**"You already know a ton of stuff that no else knows." **

**"Tell me something new then." **

**"Ok..." He thought for a moment, "When I was 11 and Jared was 7, one day when it was raining outside we were playing in the house. Torturing my mother, you know we were boys and we were loud and really bad. Jared was chasing me through the downstairs because I had taken something of his, I don't even remember what it was but...I ran through the kitchen and out the back sliding door but I stopped and pulled just the screen door shut. Jared was so fired up that he didn't notice and he ran right through the screen and tore the whole thing apart." **

**Brennan smiled, "So, the animosity was always there?" **

**"Yeah...My mom was furious with me, I think she was more afraid of what my father would say when he got home but...That night, I heard them arguing and my father went through the house and yanked every picture off of the wall, every painting and clock and shattered them. The next morning when I came down for breakfast, my father was sitting at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. He told me that my mother was gone and she wasn't coming back and it was my fault." **

**Brennan reached out and cupped his cheek, "That must have been awful. It wasn't your fault." **

**He closed his eyes and leaned into the warmth of her hand, "I know - now. It took me a long time to learn that, though." **

**"How long?" **

**Booth opened his eyes, "About 20 years or so. It wasn't until I had Parker that I figured it out. The night he was born, I remember standing in the hospital nursery and looking at this little creature and suddenly I knew that my mother didn't leave because she didn't love me, she left out of a need for self-preservation. The worst part was I figured it out too late. She died when I was 20, I was overseas and didn't even get to come home for the funeral - I never got to make peace with her." **

**"We lost our mothers for basically the same reason."**

**"I guess we did." Booth rolled over on to his back and stretched his arms up behind his head. Brennan took the opportunity to nestle into the nook between his arm and his chest.**

**"Thank you." She whispered as she fell asleep. **

**The next morning Booth awoke to find Brennan was gone and there was a note on his alarm clock it simply read: **_**This really could work....**_


	25. Chapter 25

**One week after Booth and Brennan's two nights together, Booth found himself leaning against the bar at Founding Father's watching Sweets awkwardly try to avoid the night's 'entertainment'. **

**"Man, I can't believe that Sweets is getting married before me." Hodgins whined to Booth. **

**"That was the least masculine thing I have ever heard you say." Booth turned to the bartender and ordered another scotch, "I gotta say it was awful nice of you to rent the place out for this." **

**"Well, hopefully the kid only gets married once so I figured it was the least I could do...I mean, I've got a decade on him and he's still getting married before me." **

**"Hey, at least you had someone who wanted to marry you at one point in your life." Booth grumbled. **

**"Now, **_**that **_**was the least masculine thing I have ever heard **_**you**_** say." Hodgins finished his vodka in one gulp and signaled the bartender to keep them coming. **

**Booth leaned over toward him, "By the way, thanks for telling Bones I was screwed up, I really appreciate that." **

**"Hey, I did that for your benefit." **

**"How does her thinking I'm a mess benefit me?" **

**Hodgins blew out the excess air in his lungs before speaking, "Trust me, it does. I was trying to delicately explain to her that you are equals." **

**"Wh-Why would you be doing that?" **

**Hodgins quickly looked away from Booth and down at the floor, "No reason." **

**"Even slightly drunk I don't believe that. Why were you even discussing me?"**

**Hodgins turned to lean against the bar and confessed, "I know." **

**"You know what?" Booth set his drink on the bar and crossed his arms in front of him.**

**"I know about you and Brennan. She thought she was being sly by asking me a **

**hypothetical question about her supposed new book but-" **

**"Bones can't do anything slyly." **

**"Exactly. And when I figured it out, I think she was just grateful for someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't make a big deal about it. Even though it is a very big deal." **

**Booth took a swig of his scotch and carefully chose his next words, "What did she tell you?" **

**"Do you really want to know?" **

**"I don't ask questions I don't want answers to." **

**Hodgins closed his eyes and inwardly cringed at the turn this conversation had taken, "Sh-She wanted to know...Really? Do you really want to know?" **

**Booth rested his hand on the scientist's shoulder and applied the slightest hint of pressure, "I don't want to know I need to know, ok?" **

**"Fine, she wanted to know how three separate **_**events**_** with one person could all be different." **

**"Events?" **

**"That was the code word for...you know...the, I mean, you know what I'm...r-right?" **

**"I get the picture." Booth stared into the bottom of his glass, "She was confused and she couldn't talk to me and I'm sure she was worried about what Angela would say so...So, she went to you. You." **

**"We have a history - we were buried alive together, man. I was actually pretty flattered that she thought enough of me to discuss something so important and de-delicate." **

**"What did you tell her? What was you're explanation for the **_**events**_** being different?"**

**"Well, given your history I told her that initially it was probably a frenzy of emotions and that the subsequent times were more even paced because you were able to take your time. Can we stop talking about this now? Please?" **

**"Yeah, we can." **

**"Thank you." Hodgins exhaled deeply and drained his drink. "By the way, I'm fairly confident that she loves you too. For what it's worth." **

**"Too?" **

**He smiled, "Come on man, I'm not blind. I've been watching this little dance between the two of you for years. It either had to end in love or a murder/suicide." **

**"Why do you think she feels that way?" **

**"Do you doubt it?" **

**Booth rubbed the stubble on his chin, "I don't know...I think I know but..." He shook his head, "It's complicated." **

**"No it's not. You see it as complicated 'cause you're in the eye of the storm but in all reality it's a story as old as time, my friend." **

**Booth considered Hodgins' words as he downed his sixth scotch of the evening, "It shouldn't be this hard, should it?" **

**Hodgins grinned, "Not at all." **

**"I mean either she does or she doesn't, how hard is that?" **

**"It's not." Hodgins patted Booth on the back, feeling closer to the G-man than ever. **

**"I should go talk to her - now." **

**"What? No, Booth that is a bad idea."**

**"Why?" **

**"Because you're drunk. You are emboldened by the liquor." **

**"I am not." Booth straightened his back and looked over Hodgins' head, puffing out his chest slightly. He saw his reflection in the window and realized he was in fact very drunk. "Ok, maybe I am." **

**"Besides, you'll never forgive yourself if you push her into making a decision - regardless of what she decides. You'll always wonder if she did it to make you happy or if she really meant it." **

**Booth hung his head, "Everyone is in expert..."**


	26. Chapter 26

**Across town, Brennan was enjoying Daisy's bachelorette party almost as much as Booth was enjoying Sweets' bachelor party - hardly at all. She surveyed the room full of girls all about Daisy's age, drinking pink cocktails and sharing stories of their own wedding days. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Cam slip out the exit and decided to follow her. **

**"I thought you quit?" Brennan asked as she watched Cam light a cigarette with a shaky hand. **

**"I have or I mean I did. It's just...I'm still not quite used to drinking without having one so..." Cam shrugged as she took a long drag. **

**"Addictions are extremely difficult to abstain from, I understand." Brennan looked around the empty alley and sighed rather loudly. **

**"What's wrong?" **

**"Nothing, this isn't really my idea of a pleasant evening - besides you and Angela and Daisy, I don't know anyone in there. It's a little awkward."**

**"Yeah, if it weren't for the free booze I probably would've left an hour ago." Cam eyed Brennan curiously before asking, "Are you sure that everything is ok?"**

**Brennan tilted her head, "I'm fine."**

**"You've been kinda quiet around the lab lately. I know that you're frustrated about the burn victim but you're still not quite yourself lately."**

**"I've had a lot on my mind. Personal matters."**

**"Anything I could help with?"**

**"Not likely..." Then it dawned on Brennan that Cam might be the only person who could offer her insight into her current conundrum. "Actually, uh how patient do you think Booth really is?"**

**"Well, it depends on what he's waiting for. If it's food then not very but if he's waiting for a perp to bare his soul - he can wait until the cows come home."**

**"What about personal matters?" **

**"The same personal matters that have turned you into a deaf mute recently?" **

**Brennan felt a warm blush spread across her face despite the cold DC night, "Possibly...Things between he and I have...they've, I guess you could say they've progressed and I'm not certain how long he'll wait." **

**Cam tapped the ashes off of the end of her cigarette and watched the sparks hit the pavement, "Like I said before, it all depends. What's he waiting for?" **

**"Me." She admitted shyly. **

**"In that case, you're in luck. For you, I think he'd wait forever." **

**"It's never taken me this long to decide anything before. There are too many unknown variables to make an informed decision." **

**"Well, what are the known variables?" **

**"I don't follow." **

**Cam took a short puff and asked, "I don't know exactly what you're trying to decide but I can assume so...what are the things you know for certain - about Booth?" **

**Brennan shoved her hands in her coat, "I trust him, I worry about his well-being both emotionally and physically, I find him very entertaining and compassionate. He has character, I mean he is who he is and he rarely deviates from that and I am comforted and amazed by it on a regular basis." **

**Cam nodded, "All excellent qualities." **

**"But he's also very soft - not physically or morally but he believes and trusts in things that I never will. I can't take the leaps of faith that he does and it's very frustrating for me." **

**"Do you really want someone who's just like you? Isn't it satisfying to have someone who you can verbally and intellectually spar with but still respect them despite of your different views?" **

**"I suppose but can you have a successful relationship with that person?" **

**Cam dropped her butt and crushed it with her heel, "I don't know, you tell me - you've been doing it for the past five years." **

**"I recognize that, we have forged a unique bond regardless of our differences but moving forward it seems to be a bigger deal." **

**"Why did you want Booth to be the father of your child last year?" **

**Brennan scrunched up her face, "What does that have to do with what we're currently discussing?" **

**"You chose him for a reason - and not just because he has good genetics. Because the truth is, if you really thought about it his genetics aren't that great - there's a history of addiction problems and heart issues. He is an excellent candidate, I agree 100%, but for someone like you, his shortcomings should have been taken into consideration." **

**"I-I chose Booth because...because..." Brennan swallowed hard, "The qualities he possesses are an excellent balance to my own. I am cold and closed off, he's warm and open to the possibilities of the world. When I'm focused on the pixels, he's focused on the big picture. He understands family and home and commitment more than I ever will - it just made sense." **

**Cam reached for the door, "So why wouldn't a relationship with him?"**


	27. Chapter 27

"Who thinks it's a good idea to get married in the middle of the holidays?" Booth asked Cam as they waited outside of the church for the rest of the group.

"I don't think that matters too much to Sweets. It's not like he has a ton of people to fly in and from what I gather most of Daisy's family is local." Cam replied as she took mental stock of the people arriving. "Is Brennan really bringing Max?"

"She is."

"Anything new with you guys?"

Booth glanced at her sideways, "Not really. We talk but we don't really talk. I'm worried that if I bring it up she's going to think I'm pressuring her but I'm also worried that if I don't mention it she'll think I've lost interest. It's a very fine line I'm walking here."

"Can I ask what exactly you're waiting for? You _did_ sleep together."

He blew into his hands and rubbed them together, "It's Bones, so I'm waiting for her to decide."

"Decide what exactly?"

"If she, you know...If she shares my level of interest."

"Seeley, you have to know that she does."

"Actually I don't, Camille."

Cam tucked a loose strand of hair into her beret, "That's ridiculous."

"No, it's not. It's practical. I know that she cares, but I also know that deep inside she feels indebted to me and I worry that she'll say she does simply because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I need her to come to the conclusion on her own without any prodding from me."

When Booth saw Brennan and Max pull into the parking lot, he leaned over toward Cam, "Let's drop this topic for the day, ok?"

Cam shook her head, "Sure thing, it's your life after all."

"Exactly, _my life_ and yet no one seems to really take that into consideration. I'm 37 years old, I think I know how to live my life. You, Hodgins, Sweets - you all think you know better than me."

"We care - sue us."

He glared at her, "Sue you? I'd arrest you all if I could."

"Oh yeah? On what charges?"

"Failure to mind your own business."

"Who's ready to see the toddler get hitched?" Max asked as he and Brennan approached.

Cam grinned, "I think we're all pretty interested in that. Wanna grab a seat?"

Cam took Max's arm and headed into the church with him. Behind them, Booth and Brennan were awkwardly looking at each other. They hadn't spoken in nearly two days and the lack of contact had been weighing heavily on both of them.

"How have you been?" She asked.

"Good, busy. I had Parker last night, we went to a game and then to dinner. I was going to call but..."

"Oh, that's fine I got really focused on an article I've been working on - spent almost all day yesterday in the office."

Booth quickly looked around to see who was watching before he leaned forward and whispered, "I missed you."

His words caused Brennan 's face to flush, "Me too."

They stood smiling at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Booth asked, "Ready to go in?"

She nodded and linked her arm with his.

As they entered the church, Booth whispered, "I'm surprised you're not boycotting this."

"Why would I?"

"Because Daisy, like you, is a woman of science and she's giving into the antiquated ritual of signing her life away to a man. A man who you have referred to on more than one occasion as a _professional guesser_."

Brennan smiled, "Did you ever consider that Sweets is signing his life away to a woman? To a woman who only sees the world in black and white and has no use for the grey areas of the world."

They paused as the reached the pew, where the rest of the team had gathered.

"I have to hope that at the end of the day those things, their differences, don't really matter. They balance out each other."

Brennan slipped into her seat, "Is balance more important than common ground? I mean, we agreed a long time ago that they wouldn't last because they shared no common ground."

"Answer me this; if you're standing here and I'm right next to you, are we on common ground?"

"Well, literally speaking but-"

"You _like_ things literal. Wicked literal as Sweets would say. So, the key is to make sure they stay by each other's side so that they're always on that same piece of the world."

Brennan furrowed her brows, "But-"

Booth caught her off, "End of discussion, Bones. They're going to be just fine, they'll make it - you'll see."

"I hope so." Brennan said quietly as she kept her eyes fixed forward.

He glanced over at her quickly and grinned - she still hoped.

As the processional music started, they dropped their conversation and focused on the events at hand. Both knowing that while they were 'literally' talking about young Sweets and perky Daisy they were actually discussing themselves.

When the wedding party finally took their places and the ceremony started, Brennan glanced down at the program that she was handed on her way into the church. She quickly read through the names of the participants and flipped it over. On the back was the Anais Nin quote:

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

The words caused everything to fall into place internally for Brennan: 104 cases, 89 convictions, 5 years, 2 people, 1 family.

She reached for a small pencil that was in the pews hymnal nook and wrote quickly on the program. When she was satisfied with her words, she placed the paper on Booth's knee and nudged him slightly. He looked down and saw the words, _I do love you_.


	28. Chapter 28

**"Do you want to get out of here as badly as I do?" Booth quietly asked Brennan once they were left alone at the table during the wedding reception. **

**"How could I possibly know how badly you want to leave? I can't read your mind." Brennan replied with a smile. **

**"You know what I mean. I'm not falling for that stuff anymore." **

**"What stuff?" **

**"The little word games you like to play that get you out of having to answer questions you don't want to answer." Booth cocked a brow in her direction and grinned. **

**"When did you figure that out?" **

**"About four years ago, I've only let you get away with it this long 'cause I thought it was cute." **

**Brennan's mouth slowly twitched into a smile, "I would like it very much if we could leave here early. There things we should talk about - in private." **

**Booth nodded, "Yeah 'cause **_**talking**_** is the thing I am most concerned with right now." **

**"Ah, you're being sarcastic." **

**"Very good, Bones. The question is, how do we get out of here?" **

**Brennan surveyed the room, "Do you think anyone would even notice if we left?" **

**"I think Sweets would notice." **

**"What if an issue suddenly came up with the case?" **

**Booth shook his head and laughed, he loved how eager she was to conspire against their closest friends, "But what happens when we have no new information to share with everyone tomorrow?" **

**Brennan frowned, "Parker? I know you don't like to use your son as an excuse but..." **

**"How does that get us both out of here?" **

**"Good point..." **

**"You know..." Booth leaned toward her, "Those pews were awful hard, not good for my back." **

**"Than that negates the whole reason for us leaving, if you're back is hurt than we can't-" **

**Booth through his hand up in front of her mouth, "You are terrible at this!" **

**"Oh...You're going to lie and say that your back hurts." **

**He rolled his eyes, "**_**Right**_** and I need you to drive me home. That gets us both out of here." **

**"What about my car? I drove Max and didn't you bring Cam?" **

**"Give your father the keys to your car and he can drive Cam home - we'll get your car tomorrow." **

**"Why can't we take my car?" **

**Booth sighed, "Because Bones, I can't give the keys to a federal vehicle to a man who may or may not be a felon." **

**"I thought you liked my father." **

**"Don't start that, ok?" Booth whined. "Let's just go find Sweets and Daisy, congratulate them and vamoose, k?" **

**"Don't forget your back is hurt." Brennan reminded him as they stood. **

**"Who thought the story up? Of course I'm not going to forget." **

**"Do you feel even slightly guilty about lying to everyone?" She asked as they inched over to main table. **

**Booth stopped, "Here's the thing, everything we do is for everyone else. I think it's ok to be selfish, at least for a little while." **

**Brennan was hesitant but agreed, "I mean what is there even to tell right now, right? When we know what it is we'll tell people." **

**"Exactly." **

**"Ok." **

**After apologizing profusely to the happy couple and arranging for Max to take Cam home, Booth and Brennan quickly made their way to his car. Brennan stopped at the passenger door, "Where are we going?" **

**Booth tilted his head back and forth, "Well, keeping up appearances I guess we should go to my place. Any objections?" **

**She shook her head, "Do you want to kiss me as badly as I want you to kiss me?" **

**"How can I possible know how badly you want that? I can not read your mind." **

**She smiled, "This is going to be fun." **

**Booth grinned as he rested his forehead against hers, "You have no idea." **


	29. Chapter 29

Epilogue

"Ok, before we go in - where were you this weekend?"

Brennan reached into the back of the SUV and grabbed her bag, "I was in New York working on my book."

Booth smiled, "And where was I?"

"You were in the Poconos with Parker." Brennan thought for a moment, "It's been three months, Booth."

"I know."

"Originally we said that after a month we'd tell everyone and then..."

He slowly pinned her up against the car, whispering, "And then we decided that we wanted more time. We wanted to keep this ours and only ours as long as we could."

"And we haven't had to lie _that_ much. Technically, I could have been doing research on my book this weekend. I think that what occurred Friday night in the cabin kitchen will definitely end up in one of my books." She blushed as she thought back to their weekend alone together.

"Well, I do some of my best work on kitchen counters so..."

"So, we'll tell when we're ready, right?"

Booth nodded, "And not a minute before. I'll go in first since you have such a hard time keeping track of our stories."

"I'm sorry that I'm not the gifted liar that you are."

"Ah, you've got other gifts." Before heading into the Jeffersonian, he cupped her chin and delicately kissed her. "I love you, Bones."

"I know you do."

Booth took a large step backwards, he rolled his hands over top of each other, "And you..."

She smiled, "And I love you too."

* * *

"Have you seen Booth or Brennan?" Sweets asked Angela as he approached her on the forensic platform.

"Brennan said she'd be here, it is _my_ birthday. She had to go out of town for the weekend to meet with her publishers but she was supposed to get back this morning. But I don't know about Booth."

"I know he took Parker skiing but he said he'd be back yesterday. I tried to call him about the case but his phone kept going to voicemail."

"I'm sure they'll turn up."

Sweets sat on a stool near the artist and mindlessly spun around in circles.

"You're going to throw up if you don't stop it." Booth teased as he bounded up the steps toward them.

"I tried to call you several times last night - did you get my messages?"

Booth nodded, "I did but not until this morning. Awful cell reception in the Poconos. But I think you're right about the suspect - I took care of it this morning.

"Ok, thanks. Have you seen Brennan?"

"Uh, she went to New York. I think she's back today, though."

"That's where she went?" Angela asked, "I always go with her when she goes to Manhattan - why didn't she tell me?"

Booth shrugged, "Don't know."

The trio turned when they heard the whoosh of the sliding doors opening.

"I'm sorry I'm late." Brennan announced. She made a bee-line for Angela, "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks, why didn't you tell me you were going to New York? I would've gone with you."

Brennan's eyes shifted from Angela to Booth and then quickly back to Angela, "It was...It was kind of last minute and I wouldn't have had time to spend with you. Maybe next time."

"Dr. Brennan, did you get a chance to read my notes on the case? I sent them to you a few days ago but never heard back and you always make a point to write back, even if it's just to tell me I'm wrong."

"Oh, I got your email this morning and responded to it. I would've gotten back to you sooner but there wasn't an Internet up-link where I was staying and practically no cell service."

Sweets nodded, "No that's fine. Booth just got the message this morning too, he said that he had no...cell...reception...either." He paused as her words all connected in his head. He shook his head and muttered, "Unbelievable."

Booth and Brennan sheepishly grinned at each other. She motioned ever-so-slightly with her head and they slowly started to migrate toward her office.

Sweets raised his hands in victory and exclaimed, "I am _so_ the puppet master!"

The partners sharply turned and stared at him

"What's wrong with him?" Angela asked Booth.

"I honestly have no idea."

Sweets started to quickly pace in a small line, "I should've known when you never came back to see me." He pointed at Booth

"Me? What did I do?"

"It's not what you did, it's what you failed to do."

Angela stepped into the middle of the group, "Wait, what am I missing?"

Sweets fixed his hands on his hips, "After all of my help and guidance and advice the least you could have done is told me!"

Cam and Hodgins happily watched the scene from the lounge area, they hadn't had any recent conversations with either of the partners but they both had come to the conclusion on their own that somewhere in the last three months the two had worked things out on their own.

Brennan and Booth had moved closer together, standing shoulder to shoulder they feigned ignorance. "What should I have told you exactly, Sweets?"

"You know. You both know."

"What do they know?" An exasperated Angela asked.

"Ask them where they were for the last two days. Go ahead, ask them."

"Why? Brennan went to New York and Booth was in the Poconos - what's the big deal?" Angela curiously eyed Booth and Brennan.

"Oh, it's a very big deal. When was the last time you were in Manhattan and couldn't get an Internet connection or cell reception?"

"Uh, not in the last 10 years."

"Exactly!" Sweets proclaimed.

"If someone doesn't tell me what is going on my head is going to explode over here!" Angela whined.

Sweets grinned almost maniacally, "I just figured it out. Do you know who I am? I am the all-powerful Oz! I took the Tinman and the Scarecrow and showed them that they always had the power to find their way home."

"Wait a minute. Who's the Scarecrow in this situation?" Booth asked.

"You, definitely you."

"I resent that, Sweets."

Angela gripped her temples, "I am so confused. Why is Sweets calling himself the Wizard of Oz?"

Booth waved his hands in front of Angela, "Pay no attention to the man behind the autopsy table, Ange. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Booth, stop." Brennan sighed and stepped closer to Angela, "Booth and I...W-we went away together this week."

"No, _you_ were in Manhattan and _Booth_ was in the mountains."

"_We_ were in the mountains, Ange. He and I were together." Brennan glanced back at Booth, silently pleading for him to rescue her.

"Together in the 'we're just partners' way or in the sweaty, naked way?"

Booth cleared his throat, "Is there a third option? I'd really like a third option."

Angela fixed her hands on her hips, "No, there's not. You only get the two."

Brennan grabbed Angela's hand and pulled her away from the men, into her office. "Booth and I have been discreetly exploring a romantic extension of our relationship."

"Since when?" Angela's voice was shrill with hurt.

"Since around the time Sweets got married." Brennan bit her lip and waited for her friend to unleash hell on her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because...I didn't tell you because I didn't know what it was, if it was real or if it would last and I guess part of me felt that once I told you it became very real and..."

Angela nodded, "And if it didn't work out, having had made it real, it would have really hurt."

"Yes."

"Bren, I need to know that this is more than just sex. I understand keeping it a secret if it's more but..."

"It's more. It's...it's everything." Brennan smiled with a sparkle of a tear in her eyes.

"Aw, Sweetie." Angela's face softened and she pulled her friend into a tight hug, "You do realize this is the best present you ever could have given me, right?"

Back on the platform Sweets and Booth stood awkwardly with their hands in their pockets.

"So..." Sweets started.

"Yup..."

"I take it that you've decided to embrace your life?"

Booth nodded, "You could say that."

"Cool...cool...Did you tell her about my book?"

"I did and she was one part grateful that you didn't publish it and another part angry that you would hinder your own professional standing simply to protect us. You know Bones, she's fanatical about people telling the truth."

"Apparently that only encompasses other people - she's been more than happy to lie her closest friends about the two of you."

"It wasn't a lie Sweets more like an omission. We weren't ready for everyone to know."

"Are you sorry you lied to me? I need to hear you say you're sorry that you lied to me."

Booth sighed, "Fine, I'm sorry that I lied to you Sweets. Good luck getting her to apologize to you..."

Sweets smiled, another small victory, "About my book, I've given the situation a lot of thought and irregardless of how the book would or would not affect you guys, I can't publish it."

"Why not?"

"I started it as an objective observer but now...now I have zero objectivity when it comes to you two. Even if my theories and conclusions are dead on, they're tainted by my deep-rooted respect and affection for you. But I _am_ reserving the write to sell the screenplay..."

"Screenplay?"

"Dude, the story is epic, it has it all - murder, intrigue, romance. I can totally see it up on the big screen."

"Yeah, let's discuss that at a later date." Booth shook his head slowly, "I'm sorry you wasted all that time, on the book I mean."

Sweets smiled, "I'm not. So what if I lost the chance to publish a fascinating case study. I've gained something far more important."

"What's that?"

"A permanent place in the grand design of things."

Booth nodded.

"Can I know what it is that you said you understood? When we talked before my wedding you said that you understood something, you had some sort of revelation. It's been driving me insane not knowing."

Booth rolled his eyes, "It's not that big of a deal."

"Please? I have to know." Sweets begged.

"Fine." Booth stepped closer to the young doctor, "I now understand that the bad things that have happened to me weren't my fault. There was a part of me that always assumed that I was being punished for past actions. But now I can see that I had to go through those things to get _here_. To fully appreciate being here."

"So, you're saying the shadow proves the sun?"

Booth smiled as he readied himself to walk away, "Exactly."

~ The End ~

Thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed my little story! I have loved every minute I've spent working on it!

Thanks a million!


End file.
